


Arbitrage

by fumerie (grisclair)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-21 12:28:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grisclair/pseuds/fumerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[street race AU... or is it.] There are three tracks to Do Kyungsoo's life. Track A, trader at an investment bank. Track B, new recruit of a race crew called EXO. Track C... track C involves someone named Kai and a whole lot of bad decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Arbitrage

  


-

  
Kyungsoo wakes up to the rough scratch of asphalt concrete against his face and the damp earthy smell of drizzling rain assaulting his nose with every breath. This is the kind of rain that has been going on for days and weeks. Cold, musty, and weary. Spring rain. It hasn't rained like this in Seoul for a long time. His face hurts when his skin drags against the asphalt as he twitches and struggles to pull himself away from the ground. The pavement feels wet and cold under his fingertips. Rain drops sprinkle on the back of his head. His cheeks feel raw and tender. His bones ache. When he finally pulls himself up to a sitting position, the ground is mottled with dark spots and smears that don't quite look like rain. They seem to match the long bloody scratches on his hands. Kyungsoo hisses when rain drops hit the scraped open skin.

 

He can still hear the echo of his pounding heart, loud and insistent in the quiet air of the early morning. It's still early morning, he decides, looking at the pale grey colour of the sky. The streets are empty, doused with lingering sleep. It takes a while for his limbs to work again, fingers still curling in the last dredges of adrenaline. He has to take a few deep breaths, trying to decide where he is. The streets look familiar. A few blocks away from the garage. A few blocks away from his apartment. He keeps stumbling on his feet, but the walk doesn't feel all that long. The early joggers and salary workers barely glance at him when they pass by. The drizzling rain isn't enough to soak him through, but the cold dampness sends chills through his body, the weather seeping through the layers of his clothes.

 

The windows of the first room from the right on the second floor of his apartment building are open when he gets there. Kyungsoo stands at the feet of the building, looking up, staring at the open windows, feeling slightly bewildered and lost. There's a black Genesis Coupe parked just outside on the street. Kyungsoo walks over to the car, leaning against it, going over his options. His hand fumbles, taking out the wallet from his back pocket. Cash, cards, a polaroid hastily shoved in, a stack of receipts. Kyungsoo peels himself off the car, sparing one last glance at the open windows before turning and walking the other way.

 

He passes by a newspapers stand on his way. He picks up one, glancing over the headlines, and his grip falters when he looks at the top right corner of the paper, just above "Income Tax Rising by 2.4%" and "Mass Car Pile-up In Incheon's North Port". He carefully puts the newspapers back to its place. When he looks up, someone is staring at him from the lowered window of a blue Hyundai stopping at the side of the road.

 

"Hey." The driver smiles at him, "Want a ride? You look like you need one."

 

Kyungsoo shuffles on his feet. It's still raining. "I'm fine."

 

"Kyungsoo, right? I've seen you around the tracks. My name's Jongdae." The driver is still smiling, reaching out a hand through the car window in an offer of a handshake. Ingrained manners had him step forward and take it. "No, really, I insist. It's raining, and you look like you've just gotten out the better side of a car crash." Eyes flicker towards his scraped arms. Kyungsoo pulls his hand back. "I'll take you back to your place. No problem at all. Is it far from here?"

 

Kyungsoo bites down on his bottom lip. "I. It's okay. I kind of don't have a place at the moment." Code for he doesn't know where the hell he's going, really. Jongdae blinks at him, eyebrows raised.

 

"Oh."

 

Then somehow he ends up in the passenger seat of the Hyundai, sitting still with hands folded in his laps, careful not to smear blood on the car's interior as Jongdae periodically glances at him during the drive. Maybe he could help, Jongdae said. Kyungsoo considered his options. Weighing pros and cons and calculating in composite risk.

 

"People have been asking about you, did you know?"

 

Kyungsoo hums, leaning against the window, staring at the cars and buildings flying past, Seoul painted in monochromatic shades.

 

"There's a garage a few blocks from here called EXO, have you heard of it? Friends of mine. They're looking for a new driver to join their crew for the upcoming Race War. You should check them out. They've seen you around the tracks." Jongdae makes a sweeping movement over the steering wheel. He's one of those people who can't stop talking when there's another person in the same enclosed space. Compulsive conservation-maker. "They've been asking about you."

 

They are on the way to Jongdae's place, he said. There's a vacant flat next to his right now, maybe Kyungsoo could take a look. What a nice coincidence. As if life is made up of coincidences and good luck.

 

"You sure you're okay? Really not going to the hospital? Your ear's bleeding."

 

Kyungsoo raises a hand to his ear. His fingers come away smeared with blood.

 

"Wild night out?" Jongdae jerks his head towards him, eyes fixed on a certain spot on his body. "I hope you've copied that number down somewhere. Someone might be waiting for a phone call."

 

Kyungsoo glances down, fingers automatically coming up to trace what Jongdae is looking at. There's black ink on the pale skin of his palm. Clumsy shaky strokes, straight lines coming out as slanted wriggles as if written by a child, nearly illegible, smudged by rain and little bloody scratches. A string of digits, not nearly long enough to be anyone's phone number.

 

_20211130._

 

"I hope you remember the lucky person's name."

  


-

  
Clutch, drop to second gear. He feels the shockwave pass through his body as the car engine revs up to 4500 rpm. He quickly releases the clutch, feeling the huge surge of power almost throwing him backwards as the rear wheels lose traction and the back end of the car swings out of control, kicking up a dust storm on the track. Except not really, because the trick is how to ride the wave and wrangle the swing into the curve of the turn, letting the car fall into a drift. Break, throttle, steer. The rubber and metal mass screech loudly against the concrete over the sound of the engine. He sweeps the steering wheel in an almost too large motion, sending the car into a wide arch before reigning it in again, feeling the subtle shock slam through his body as the back of the car almost hits a concrete post.

 

He lets the car go in for a fourth spin, all the while staring at the man standing as the focal point in the middle of the skid pad. He could see the calculating eyes and upturned curve of a small amused smile, following his own gaze, arms calmly folded over his chest despite being in the centerpoint of a car going out of control in circles. His foot hits the break, and the car screeches as it ends the last drift facing right in front of the other man, the sound loud and jarring. Neither of them flinches. The tall man calmly lets his arms fall and then brings them up in a slow clapping motion. Kyungsoo lets out a small breath, killing the engine and pulling off his seatbelt, getting out of the car. He slams the car door closed to the sound of everyone clapping and whistling at him.

 

"Fucking awesome! I knew you would be a good catch after the Bukak Skyway track!" Obnoxiously tall guy's expression has turned from calculating calm into manic excitement. His wide eyes must take up half of his face, Kyungsoo thinks as he surreptitiously backs away from the guy. His grin is all teeth. Obnoxiously white, even teeth with exceptionally good dental hygiene.

 

"Chanyeol, back the fuck off, you're scaring the kid!" One of the guys sitting on top of a high metal bench calls out. "His eyes look about to pop out of his face!"

 

" _You_ fuck off, Kris! Why the hell are you even here? You're not on this team!"

 

"I have to check out your new recruits to make sure I won't need to find someone to mop up your remains on the race track." Blond guy twitched his lips up in something resembling a half smirk half grimace, flicking a cigarette butt to the ground. He stands up, and blond guy is just as obnoxiously tall as Chanyeol, if not more. Kyungsoo winces internally as he realizes they're practically towering over him. "He's not bad, I guess. Better than the guy who littered broken glass across your backyard last time." Blond guy was staring straight at him now, the faint trace of a smirk still on his lips.

 

"Get out, Kris. Don't be jealous we will kick your ass and shove your bitchface into the ground this year with cute shortie here." That's what Chanyeol says as he drapes himself all over the blond guy - Kris' shoulders. He grins wildly as Kris elbows him in the ribs to get him off.

 

"Provided you can whip him into shape in the next few months."

 

"He's a natural, I can tell." Another guy walks up to them, smiling at him. Suho, Kyungsoo remembers his introducing himself earlier when he first stepped into the garage. He said "I heard you've been looking for me," and Nice Smile guy, Suho, told him, "Show us what you've got." How cliché, he thought, but his heart still pounded loud in his chest when they gathered around his car in the garage's backyard - which was far bigger than any backyard had the right to be. "What's your name again?"

 

"Kyungsoo." He subtly leans against the car, feeling distinctly uncomfortable by the pairs of eyes sizing him up head to toe. "What, do you need to do a background check?"

 

"Maybe not yet," some skinny ass guy laughs. Skinny guy speaks with a lisp, his eyes disappearing into half-moons when he smiles.

 

"He's all right. Good drivers are a dime a dozen, you need someone a little out of control." Kris shrugs, hanging his elbow on Chanyeol's shoulders. "He lacks a bit of techniques - his grip gets slippery and he gets out of control sometimes... but there's something about it."

 

"Yah, who hired you as our HR manager?" Chanyeol rolls his eyes as he pushes the blond guy out of the way. "But he does remind us of someone, doesn't he?" Chanyeol grins as he leans in closer, caging him in with his towering height. Kyungsoo presses his back against the hard metal top of his car.

 

"The way he drives, yeah... He reminds me of that kid." Kris suddenly turns to look straight at him, eyes assessing. "They both drive like a man dying for crash to happen. Fucking fearless. Sometimes that's not quite a good idea."

 

Kyungsoo frowns, his mouth already open for a retort when someone else saunters up, hands on his hips, raking his eyes up and down Kyungsoo's form. "Good thing now we've got shortie here as his replacement, huh?"

 

"No one is Kai's replacement, Baekhyun. Kai is still on the team." Suho taps the guy on the shoulders, looking exasperated.

 

"Well, sometimes it's just a bit hard to remember, seeing as his flaky ass majesty is nowhere to be seen half of the year." Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "Have you even asked him if he's gonna sign up for Race War this year?"

 

Everyone turns to look at each other as a hesitant silence settles upon them. "...The last time I saw him was before the official announcement of Race War. Over one month ago." Skinny guy shrugs, looking distinctly uncomfortable. Baekhyun throws his arms up in exasperation as if to say "I rest my case."

 

"So..." Kyungsoo shuffles on his feet. "Do I pass?"

 

"You can't get out even if you want to now." Suho shifts towards him, hand extended for a welcoming shake. "Welcome to EXO-K."

 

Kyungsoo stares for a few seconds before taking the offered hand, gaze not leaving the eyes boring into his.

 

"Take him to the Incheon track tonight." Kris calls out, waving dismissively as he turns away, walking off.

 

 

Seoul in spring is all glittering lights and wet concrete. The hum of the city is amplified by the rumble of dozens of car engines along the highway in Incheon's North Port, the metal beasts in all shapes and colours lining up among the excited chattering crowd. Obnoxious dance tracks are pumping out from the mega speakers of larger-than-life cars, their chaebol kid owners posing and parading around with pretty girls hanging off their arms, showing off their family's money with flashy LED lights and gigantic spoilers. The real money crowd hang together at a distance, middle-aged directors and government workers sneering next to their billion-won super cars, slick and flawless stock beasts of Ferrari red and BMW black.

 

Kyungsoo smoothly steers his black Genesis next to a fiery red GT-R with fluorescent silver stripes down the hood. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are sitting on top of it, Chanyeol crunching loudly on a handful of bbq-flavoured chips while Baekhyun surreptitiously steals his chips from the bag every five seconds. Kyungsoo does a double-take at the sight of Baekhyun - he looks like an entirely different person with an obscene amount of eyeliner and metal rings adorning his knuckles. They wave at him when he climbs out of the car, at the same time a velvet purple Audi smoothly pulls up on the other side of the GT-R. Kyungsoo had seen it back at the garage, but the shine of its coat looks absolutely stunning under the street lights. 

 

"Yo, Sehun!" Chanyeol does a quick high-five with its driver when he gets out of the car. Skinny ass guy cleans up exceptionally well, with his hair slicked back and a designer leather jacket that looks like it costs half the car he's driving slung over his shoulders. The perfect picture of an obnoxious chaebol kid over-spoilt by his parents' money and too much free time, looking for a quick thrill on the race track.

 

"The funny thing is _Suho_ is the rich-ass chaebol kid." Chanyeol laughs, his voice deep and obnoxiously loud over the revving of engines and pounding music. He leans against the sturdy hood of the GT-R, listening to Chanyeol and Baekhyun ramble and trade off-track gossips, waiting for all the bets to be called. Chanyeol waves at Suho who's talking to some guys over an orange Eclipse. Kyungsoo follows his gaze and catches Kris' eyes in the group. "The Audi V10 is actually Suho's car, but he's too much of a nice guy to really race, so he lends it to Sehun. Great strategy, of course. Sehun makes a good bait, luring all the obnoxious show-off assholes in the circus into thinking he's just another pretty rich boy with too much money and free time. The kid makes good money on the tracks."

 

"Actually, you do as well, don't you?" Baekhyun grins, flicking a piece of chip at him. "That clueless bewildered face, everyone thinks you're just a lost kid green around the gills accidentally stumbling into the track. But you're not, are you? I've seen you race. You might have stumbled into the track, but I don't think you're clueless. Kris was right about picking you out. He has an eye for these things."

 

"That curve at the Bukak mountain track... that was some impressive work. You've got the potential, and you're a nobody, so they don't know what you're capable of. You could be our secret seed."

 

Kyungsoo flicks the chip off his shoulder, brushing the fabric of his jacket with a frown. "Why did you think I would race for you guys?"

 

"Well, you're here, aren't you? And you know it's not just about us. We could say it's for the money, but that's not it either."

 

Chanyeol laughs, waving at a white Skyline that's just pulled up next to the Audi. A slender kid climbs out, his eyes wide and obscenely young, but the defined lines and angles of his face speak of something sharper. Sehun pulls him into a hug. "You've got that look. Like you wouldn't give a damn if everything went to hell in a handbasket, but you always somehow offhandedly pull back at the last second when you belatedly remember that you're not supposed to crash. I told you, you remind me of someone."

 

"Your friend who left?"

 

"Kai hasn't left." Chanyeol shakes his head vigorously, as if shaking the thought off himself. "He's just... not around as much as he could be." Baekhyun snorts next to him.

 

"Are those guys Kris' crew?" Kyungsoo jerks his head in the general direction of the group Suho and Sehun are hanging out with.

 

"Yep, that's M team. There's Kris, bitchface king of the track, you've already met him. Short guy with the orange Eclipse is Yixing. Cute blond who's just stepped out of the white Skyline is Lu Han. Ice blue 370z is Minseok. The slick forest green Genesis is Tao, that's the guy who looks like a kungfu assassin next to Kris. He's a cute kid, really. Oh, and over there talking to Suho is... Jongdae. M's coordinator? Manager? Something. You'll meet them all eventually."

 

Jongdae waves at him when he catches Kyungsoo's eyes across the crowd.

 

"Race War, you must have heard about it, right? Pretty much the year-end award show of the race scene around here, maximum five cars per crew. That's why we share the same garage but split up into two groups, K and M. People flock in from all around the country. Korean tuners, imports, rich-ass show-offs, we get all types. The venue changes every year. This year it's the Galma mountain track. That's why we've been looking for a new recruit, a good drifter. Our crew do all right, we've got our ace cards, but we need new blood."

 

"Because our flaky ass ace card is an unreliable flaky ass. He's good, but teamwork is hard when no one ever knows where he is." Baekhyun purses his lips.

 

"I don't hear you complaining when he rakes in the money for us every fortnight." Suho walks over to them, slapping Baekhyun on the shoulders. Sehun follows behind him. "Let's get going, we're up for the fourth race." Chanyeol pats his cheeks as he jumps off the red GT-R.

 

"Who's driving tonight?"

 

"Sehun and Kyungsoo. Sehun's already got a number of good bets going for the night. Oh, and they're not closing the roads tonight. Extended free-for-all track." Suho grins, ruffling the hair on the back of Kyungsoo's head. No road close-down, just look-out posts. They're racing with civilians tonight. Two in the morning, it isn't like there's going to be traffic jam on this stretch of the road. Suho gives Sehun and him a pair of small black earphones and mic sets. "For coordination," Suho tells him, his small voice crackling in Kyungsoo's ears as he climbs into the driver seat. 

 

The black/green Genesis and the snow white Skyline pull up to the starting line next to them. The blond kid, Lu Han, smiles and waves at him, while Tao just nods, dark hair falling over his eyes, a look of grim concentration etched on his face as he grips the steering wheel. Chanyeol and Baekhyun flash him good-luck thumbs-up from across the crowd. An obnoxiously neon green Nissan Silvia with too many GT-R decals and blue LED lights pulls up on the other side, along with a slick silver Mercedes S350. The track would be a little crowded for this round.

 

Kyungsoo lets the hum of the engines take over his head, drowning out the noise of the crowd and putting the rest of the world behind soundproof glass window. He feels the smooth tremble under his touch, vibrating through his body. Eyes straight ahead, a long stretch of windswept highway rising up above concrete buildings and dark mountains, illuminated by street lights and headlights. Suho's voice in his ears is a tiny distant reminder.

 

"Ready. Set. Go."

 

And the crowd leap forward.

 

Sehun takes the lead, along with the silver Mercedes. The purple Audi zips past ahead of them smoothly for half a quarter mile before the dark green Genesis catches up, sliding in between Sehun and the silver Mercedes. The obnoxiously loud muffler on the neon green Silvia is starting to get on his nerves, so Kyungsoo calmly swerves to the right and let the rear end of his car slam against the Silvia, scratching off a large line of the paint coat and taking satisfaction in the sputtering broken LED lightboard. The force of the impact has the Silvia sprawled halfway to the other side of the highway, and Kyungsoo snorts as it scrambles to get back on track as civilian cars coming up from the opposite direction honk loudly when they swerve past, nearly hitting the Nissan on the rear end again. The Silvia's driver rolls his window down to scream at him, but Kyungsoo is already speeding ahead, tailing closely behind the dark green Genesis.

 

They keep steady speed, until it gets near the end of the next quarter mile and Tao suddenly presses the Mercedes to the side. It takes Kyungsoo a few seconds to realize he's making way for Lu Han as the white Skyline shoots ahead out of nowhere, inches away from his car and nearly tailgating Sehun's Audi before swerving to the left.

 

"What-" Kyungsoo blinks - he's completely forgotten about the Skyline. The white Skyline speeds ahead the Mercedes and Sehun's Audi in the next few seconds, the car a white blur of a ghost on the dark road.

 

"Did Lu Han just jump ahead? By the way, he's M team's ace card." Suho cheerfully informs him over the earpiece, leaving Kyungsoo to stare in bewilderment. The obscenely cute blond kid drives like the fucking devil. Tao is apparently M team's fucking bait, and _no one_ thought to inform him. "Kyungsoo, your turn now!" Sehun suddenly swerves, pushing both Tao's Genesis and the silver Mercedes to the side, opening a wide stretch of road ahead of Kyungsoo's way. He bites down on his lip and slams down on the accelerator.

 

"U-turn 100 metres ahead!" Suho shouts over his earpiece. Kyungsoo lets the speed drop abruptly, throwing the weight of the car to the front wheels. The tire treads on the front screech loudly against the asphalt as his back wheels lose traction and start to drift. Kyungsoo steers the car to a perfect 180 swing before hitting the gas again, speeding back to their starting point. He's second place now, aiming for Lu Han who's already ahead of him, the screeching sounds of the other cars drifting far behind him. Except there's suddenly too bright headlights right next to him, and a heavy beast of a car suddenly slams against his side as it zooms past. Kyungsoo barely manages to swerve back on track before another car from the opposite direction could crash into him head-on.

 

"The fuck was that?" He hisses in disbelief, because the car that has just wedged itself between the white Skyline and him is an entire Jaguar XJ saloon, the silver frame huge and intimidating in all its billion-won glory. It obviously is not part of the race, but no civilian drives like _that_ , much less a Jaguar owner-

 

"Oh shit," Chanyeol's breathless laughter comes through loud and obnoxious over his earpiece, "oh fuck, that's his flaky ass majesty! Of course he decides to turn up out of nowhere and crash the race after a whole month of non-existence. Shortie, keep the hell out of his way!"

 

"What?!"

 

"The Jaguar, that's Kai! Keep the hell out of his way if you don't want to end up in a ditch off the road with the metal wreckage of your car! He's going for Lu Han now!"

 

True to Chanyeol's words, in the next second the silver Jaguar slams sideway into Lu Han's Skyline, almost throwing it off the road. The Skyline quickly recovers, but it's somehow lost the inertia, desperate to stay out of the Jaguar's way.

 

"Oh man, Lu Han's gonna be pissed-"

 

Kyungsoo hisses in empathy as the Jaguar driver manages to scrape off half the shimmery silver paint coat on the right side of his car. If he could just squeeze past the tug-o-war between the Jaguar and the Skyline... Except the Jaguar's rear end rams into his headlight when he tries to push past, shattering its own tail light.

 

"Aw shit," Chanyeol is still laughing over the earpiece, "He doesn't know shortie is on our team! Kyungsoo, listen, Kai isn't here to win the fucking race, he's just blocking our competitors, so just stay out of his way and-"

 

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders back. In the next beat, he lets himself slam against the Jaguar. The sound of shattering glass and scraping metal explodes in the tiny sliver of space between them. He can't see the other driver behind the black-tinted window of the Jaguar, but he could feel eyes boring into him. Everything after that is a blur as they speed side by side towards the finish line to the screeching haze in his head, tiny shocks vibrating through his body with every impact. He has the faint impression that there's really really loud shouting in his ears, but he just can't quite make out the words.

 

Then the Jaguar breaks away - and everything comes to a screeching halt.

 

When Kyungsoo's eyes blink open again, Chanyeol is there, pulling him out of his car and into a bear hug, laughing and shaking him vigorously. The crowd is whistling and clapping loudly around them, and Kyungsoo barely comprehends what's just happened when Suho jumps up behind him and smooshes his cheeks.

 

"You're fucking crazy, shortie!" Chanyeol pulls on his arm, jerking him towards the car. "You've probably just managed to destroy the entire right side of your car to win that race, but I suppose that's what it takes to go head to head with that other crazy kid!"

 

When he looks up, the silver Jaguar is right there next to his Genesis, its side in a similar state of destruction, the metal scraped raw and dented. Then he realizes the window on the driver's side is down, and that other crazy kid is staring straight into his eyes, a smirk gracing full reddened lips. Kyungsoo feels his heartbeat pound loud in his chest, the rush of adrenaline still surging through his blood stream, sending tingles down his fingertips. He curls his hands into fists, nails digging into his palms as if he could claw out the shivery feeling under his skin. Then the white Skyline pulls up next to the Jaguar, and their gaze breaks as the Skyline blocks the way. Kyungsoo blinks.

 

"Kai! Are you going to Race War?" Lu Han shouts from his car, and Kyungsoo thinks he doesn't sound all that mad for someone who just practically got slammed off the road by a random car coming out of nowhere.

 

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I am." The deep timbre of the voice makes Kyungsoo's head jerk up. It might be just his imagination, but their eyes meet again, and Kyungsoo feels frozen in place.

 

The Jaguar spins off and disappears into the night before the rest of the cars in the race finally pull up to the finish line. Sehun hands him a thick stack of cash at the end of the night. Kyungsoo blinks.

 

"Don't let Jongin scare you off."

 

"Who's Jongin?" Kyungsoo asks, but Sehun has already disappeared back into the raucous crowd.

 

 

It might just be his imagination, but he sees the silver Jaguar again on his drive home in the early morning hours, its taillights broken and side door caved in, the metal frame barely hanging on to its hinges. Kyungsoo stares as the Jaguar speeds down a skyway and swerves right off the wrong side of a curve, throwing itself headfirst down against the asphalt below with a sickening crash. All screeching crushing metal and shattering glass. The cacophony of sounds is loud and piercing in the dead early hours, ripping apart the soft sheen of the early morning. Metal skids and claws against concrete. There is no dramatic fire or explosion, just a crushed metal wreckage lying broken and cold on the road in the chilled Seoul morning.

 

Kyungsoo sits there in his car and waits until the first rays of sunshine light up the city's skyline, but no one walks away from the metal wreckage - all that remains of the silver Jaguar. His heartbeat pound loud in his chest. He spends the wait sorting his music collection - by artist by album's name by genre by year - over and over and over. He can't see the blood from this distance.

  


-

  
It's raining again when he opens his eyes. The asphalt is cold and wet, the drizzling spring rain soaking into his pants. His knees hurt, like he might have scraped them raw beneath the fabric. Kai runs a hand through his hair. Monochromatic Seoul, never-ending rain. Nothing ever changes much around here. The walk back to his place is long, but his body is still running on the white hours of adrenaline, so he takes the long route. Except the rain picks up halfway and he makes a face before ducking into a nearby grocery shop. His hands are cold, and the cold makes his body itch for coffee.

 

There's only another customer in the shop. A short guy in a dark blue sweatshirt, standing there in the middle of the aisle picking between brands of canned tomatoes, looking as though tomato paste holds the secret of the universe. Kai recognises him. He only saw the guy for a few brief moments squished between Chanyeol's arms and half-blocked by Lu Han's Skyline, but he recognises the way those wide eyes take over half of his face, making him look half terrified half bewildered. He saw those eyes staring straight at him through the tinted windows of their cars with metal and glass tearing up the space between them. Soft-looking round cheeks, cute lips, neat dark hair. He's holding on to a red plastic shopping basket. Kai walks over, running a hand through his hair again to hopelessly shake the water out.

 

"Hey," he smiles, nice and sweet, as if he's approaching some skittish puppy, "Grocery run in the rain?"

 

Short guy turns and stares at him with some impressively wide eyes, looking as though he's just seen a ghost and is not entirely sure whether he should run away screaming.

 

"I'm Kai," he says, like a reminder rather than an introduction. Somehow he doubts the guy could have forgotten him. Short guy fumbles with his basket, mumbling something that sounds like "I know" under his breath, then hastily grabs a can of tomatoes and clutches it to his chest like a shield, eyes skittering away from his. Kai frowns. "I'm sorry about your car last time? Nothing personal, I swear. I hope it's still functional?"

 

Short guy finally huffs out a laugh, throwing the can of tomato into his basket. One packet of pasta, one packet of cheese. Basic single items for the basic single life. "I don't have high hopes for it."

 

"I'm sorry?" He tries again, giving his most disarming smile. "I can pay you back." Short guy makes his way to the cashier, and he follows suit, quickly grabbing a can of coffee on the way.

 

"Are you following me?" Short guy frowns at him when they're both standing under the extended roof outside the grocery store. It's still raining, big fat drops of water hitting loud against the concrete. 

 

He points at the umbrella under the other's arm. "You have an umbrella. And probably making some food soon."

 

Short guy turns to stare at him, "What makes you think you can just follow me home for free food?"

 

"Because you're a nice person, I'm soaked, and I've just had a really, really long night?"

 

They end up walking together in the rain under a too-small umbrella meant for one person. Half of Kai's side ends up soaked anyway. Short guy insists on holding his own umbrella, and the sharp pikes keep hitting the top of Kai's head, even as he slouches down. The can of coffee is warm between his fingers.

 

"Are you really not afraid I'd murder you once you bring me back to your place?" He asks when short guy - Kyungsoo, he said - unlocks the door to his apartment. "Hey, I recognise this building. Isn't this where Jongdae lives as well? You know, smiley guy, killer cheekbones, part of M team? You must have seen him around, you hanging around with that crowd now and all."

 

"I have more reasons to worry about your passing out on my floor than your murdering me." Kyungsoo snorts, holding the door open for him. "You look like a wet poodle. Stand there and let me get a towel."

 

"I was only kidding when I said I'd follow you home." He says, pulling off his heavy jacket, dropping it to the floor with a wet plopping sound. "But you really took me home, huh. Maybe you're the axe murderer, luring me back to your place with the promise of food and dry towel." The place looks like it could be the lair of an axe murderer too - sparse and bleak, empty walls, empty boards. The cushions neatly placed on the couch as if it's never been touched. He pulls off his t-shirt, and is in the middle of unbuttoning his jeans when Kyungsoo returns to the living room and shrieks, throwing a towel at his face.

 

"What are you doing?!"

 

"What?" He pulls the towel down to his bare shoulders. "My clothes are wet. It's cold." He strips down to his underwear. Kyungsoo glares, but grabs his pile of clothes and disappears into another room. Kai pulls the towel around his shoulders. He sits in the kitchen watching TV while Kyungsoo makes some strange fusion cuisine he calls kimchi spaghetti. The cheese smells good, and there's kimchi, so he's more than happy with it.

 

"You're awful nice to a stranger who nearly crashed your car on a race track." He says between shoving spaghetti into his mouth with chopsticks.

 

"You're awful friendly to a stranger whose car you nearly crashed. How long has it been since you last went to the garage?" Kyungsoo asks, "I think they'd want to see you."

 

"I don't know. I don't remember." He pokes at the kimchi. Something red drops down to the plate. A bunch of white paper napkins gets shoved into his face before he could react.

 

"Ugh, gross, don't bleed all over the food."

 

Kai laughs in embarrassment, holding the paper napkins to his nose. Nosebleed over kimchi, really. Kyungsoo leads him to the couch, making him lie down face-up, prone and quiet as Kyungsoo cleans up in the kitchen.

 

He falls asleep on Kyungsoo's ugly mustard couch sometime after. There's still the sound of raindrops hitting the window panes when he wakes up to a quiet room later, the sky a muddy shade of dark grey against the glittering lights of the city at night. His head still feels heavy, his body aching and weary, so he drifts off to sleep again to the sound of the drizzling rain.

 

 

When he wakes up for the second time, the sky is a brighter shade, and his clothes are placed on the coffee table next to him, dry and warm, neatly folded. Kyungsoo is nowhere to be seen so he lets himself out, feeling oddly like the abandoned morning after of a secret affair.

 

He takes the green bus from the stop down the corner of the street. He leans against a pole, feeling the hum of the tire treads against the asphalt below his feet. Chanyeol is the first to catch his eyes when he rounds the corner and sees the garage. Before he knows it, he's already pulled into a spinning headlock.

 

"Kai!" Chanyeol laughs, ruffling his hair. He's probably missed that crazy scrunching face a little. "Wow, I didn't expect to see you again so soon! It's been less than one week, this is a new record!"

 

"Yeah?" He gently dislodges himself from Chanyeol's grip, waving at the other guys who are coming out to see what the commotion is all about. 

 

"Well, we barely saw each other's face that night you crashed the race with your fancy Jaguar last week, but I'd count that as a sighting." Tao pulls him into a hug, while Kris comes over and attempts to pat his head with a wrench. 

 

"Where's Lu Han so I can grovel for his forgiveness after scratching the paint off his Skyline?" Kai laughs, but he's already known the answer. Early morning, the people hanging around at the garage are only people who actually work there. That's just Kris, Yixing, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Tao.

 

"Well, Lu Han is not here, but you can grovel for forgiveness from Kyungsoo instead." Yixing pushes him in, and Kai blinks at the sight of Kyungsoo hunched over a laptop on a work bench. He looks up at the commotion and blinks, wide eyes staring at Kai like a deer in headlight when their eyes meet. "Introducing the newest member of EXO-K team, the one with the half-wrecked black Genesis you nearly ran off the road last week!" Yixing pushes him forward, making him almost stumble. His lips twitch up in a wry smile, and Kai slowly walks towards Kyungsoo.

 

"Yeah, okay... yeah. I'm really sorry about your Genesis. Let's start over again?" He extends his hand. "I'm Kai." An introduction this time.

 

Kyungsoo hesitates for a few seconds, then reaches out to accept his handshake, his fingers warm and small in Kai's grip. "Kyungsoo. And I'm not sorry about your Jaguar."

 

Chanyeol bursts out laughing behind them. "No one is sorry about the Jaguar."

 

Kyungsoo tilts his head in confusion.

 

"You know how they say each man kills the thing he loves, except for the smart ones? The smart man hires a someone else to do it. That's where Kai comes in. He's a hitman." Chanyeol pats him in the cheeks. He enjoys telling this story. "That's what he does for a living. That's why he doesn't come to the races, not anymore. Not for the money, at least."

 

"You don't quite look like a murderer," Kyungsoo says. What a compliment, he thinks. 

 

He settles down next to Kyungsoo on his bench. The other man doesn't move away when their shoulders touch. "A shiny red Ferrari 360 Spider, a yellow Lamborghini Gallardo LP 570-4, a silver Jaguar XJ saloon, a heroine white Porsche Carrera S, a matte sky blue Maserati Spyder. Count the money in your head. Showroom-perfect pristine super cars, the ultimate dreams of luxury and modern day self-worth, withering away in private garages and back parking lots. Someone's dream gone stale. In this city, there are always old men with billion-won cars looking for a crash."

 

Cars about to be lost in messy divorces or inheritance fiascos. Cars the bankrupted owners can no longer make payments on. Cars driven by a scorned mistress. Insurance fraud. Revenge. Desperation. Love. There are all kinds of reasons to drive a car off a cliff. The screech of tires against the asphalt or the scraping of metal against concrete walls, that's just the sounds of a dream gone stale.

 

"That's what he kills. Filthy rich assholes' stale old dreams. A stack of money turned into love turned into some metal wreckage off the side of the road."

 

"It pays well." Kai says, leaning against the gaping hood of a rusty white Silvia. "People pay a really high price for destruction, surprisingly."

 

"Not everyone has the heart to slam a pristine Porsche against a lamp post then send it crashing down a cliff. People pay a high price for cruelty. I keep telling him to give us the parts to sell before he crashes." 

 

"It's not the same. Those lonely mistresses deserve a good death if they're not gonna get a good life."

 

"That's why you don't race anymore. Because you're always driving for a crash now." Kyungsoo says, eyebrows furrowed in thought. He'd look better smiling, Kai thinks.

 

"So what do you do for a living?" He asks, eyes trailing over the neat fingernails of Kyungsoo's hands. Hands folded tightly in his lap.

 

"I... work in a bank. Not so exciting, compared to your trade."

 

"Crunching numbers. Controlling the money of world. Some white-collar banker looking for a bit of thrill on the weekend." He grins, teasing. Kyungsoo just nods.

 

"Something like that."

 

"Hey, you should go out with us for a drink tonight! Sehun and Lu Han are coming by later." Yixing slaps him in the back as he walks past.

 

"I'm gonna have to pull a Kris this time." Kai says as the others groan in exasperation, "Maybe next time, guys. I gotta go. Tell them I say hi."

 

 

It might be an accident, it might not, but Kai sees the dented black Genesis on his way back home that evening, the car already familiar with its half-broken windows and scraped paint. If he looks really closely, he might even see some silver flecks from the Jaguar. It isn't raining anymore, but the car still skids wildly out of control as it rams against a road divider and flips in the air, the huge metal frame almost weightless in motion. It crashes to the ground upside-down, flipping a few more rounds, before finally slumping down in a broken wreck, strewing glass and petrol in its wake. 

 

Some bystanders scream as the car catches fire, the flame hissing high into black clouds as it melts rubber and metal down to a blackened mess. No one walks away from the wreckage. He chain-smokes from a distance until the firetruck turns up.

  


-

  
Kyungsoo pauses three steps away from the top of the stairs leading to his floor. He probably should be surprised to find Kai sitting in front of his door, grey hoodie pulled over his head, but he isn't. Kai has obviously been there for a while, judging from the cigarette butts littering the ground around him. Kyungsoo sidesteps him as he walks up to unlock his door. Kai jumps up when the door clicks open.

 

"You can't smoke in here." He glares, and Kai raises his empty hands up in reassurance, the grin stretching his face into looking ridiculously young. Kai shuffles in behind him, smelling of smoke and early morning rain.

 

"What did you get?" Kai hovers over his shoulders as he pulls out tofu and a carton of eggs from the paper bag he's been carrying, placing them on the kitchen counter.

 

"Here for the free dinner?" He rolls his eyes, elbowing Kai out of the way as he puts the small box of milk into the fridge.

 

"I can pay you, but I don't think you really need the money, Mr. Banker In Hiding."

 

"What makes you think I'm in hiding?"

 

"Well, you've obviously just moved in here. The place is completely empty. And I'm sure you make enough money to live somewhere better than this dump. You've got that look. Always so pristine, so perfectly presented." Kai grins at him, one arm leaning against the counter, the other hanging on Kyungsoo's shoulders. "So what did you do? Steal a few billion won from your bank's vault?"

 

"One, I still have my job, thank you very much. Two, I don't work at a commercial bank. There's no money vault." He takes out two eggs from the carton, then pauses for a beat, and takes out two more before putting the carton back on the shelf. Cooking gets complicated when you have to multiply the portion. Food runs out faster.

 

"So what kind of bank do you work at? Are you making an omelette?"

 

"Yes." Kyungsoo sighs, exasperated. "An investment bank, okay? What does it matter anyway? You don't give a damn about what I do. Just another boring white-collar job." Eggs, minced pork, salt, chili, scallions, oil. The hot pan sizzles, loud and distracting. He puts on a small pot of water for the tofu soup.

 

"Hey, put more chili in it. You're right, I don't really care, but I'm just bored. So Mr. Investment Banker, what do you do?"

 

"I sell and buy financial securities. Make deals. Crunch numbers. Trade one contract for another. Make profit out of arbitrages. Boring shit." He checks on the leftover rice. Barely enough for two, but it'd have to do. Kai reaches over and picks up a spoonful of rice with his hand, throwing it into his mouth. Kyungsoo hits his wrist with the spatula.

 

"I don't think money is boring." Kai licks his fingers, tongue wet against the pad of his thumb, the gesture slow and suggestive, as if he's licking off sticky honey instead of just a few grains of white rice. Kyungsoo turns back to his sauteed minced pork.

 

"How surprising."

 

"Money is closest thing we get to immortality in this day and age. Not the bulk of paper we can touch, but the current, the system, the flow of numbers and electronic sequences. Crashing countries and futures. Where do you work? Yeouido?"

 

"Yeouido. Financial island of glass and steel and flashing green numbers. Granite cubes and chromium skyscrapers." Pouring the egg mixture over the minced pork, his elbow hitting Kai in the ribs again. He needs a bigger pan for this.

 

"It makes sense. You being so tightly wound, money and numbers and perfectly pressed white shirts. Shiny leather shoes. Little handkerchief tucked neatly inside the breast pocket of your million-won cashmere suit, next to a shiny black ink fountain pen. Neat little haircut. Hasty lunch dates in the glass towers by the Han river. I can see you like that. Then you go and race down some skyway at 300 kmh with some crazy kids at two in the morning. A little bit of thrill."

 

The food smells good. They eat on the ugly mustard couch instead of the kitchen table. 

 

 

They drive down to Yeouido one night in a gunmetal grey Maserati GranTurismo hours away from its death, soaking up the wide-eyed stares of awe and envy from passers-by, the smooth hum of the engine sweet under their feet, warm black leather soft like butter under their touch. He takes Kai all the way to the rooftop of one of the glass and steel skyscrapers after midnight, the wind strong and harsh on top of the city. They can't quite see the little people from this high up, but the glitter of the city makes up for it.

 

"Money turns into life across the shiny floors of these glass and steel banking towers. Billions and trillions scanned and coded through the machines, neverending rhythmic waves, money moving moving changing forms until pieces of paper turn into electronic numbers, sequences, codes, magnetic chips, coloured lines on a chart somewhere on a screen. I trade in money, yet I don't think I've touched cash in a long time."

 

He's seen the encoding rooms. He's seen how money gets condensed into something that barely resembles money anymore. Money as an idea. Money as the undying data. Money as a spiritual escapade. Money as a measurement of one's worth. Money in the form of showroom-perfect BMWs being burnt down to a blackened melted mess, metal and glass and rubber, abandoned on the side of the road.

 

"Apparently they say financiers are more spiritually advanced than monks." Kai looks like he wants to climb over the railing. Kyungsoo stays away from the edge.

 

"The one with the money is the one with the power and the vision, I'll tell you that. We calculate the future."

 

They drive all the way to Galma mountain after that, Kai pressing down on the gas, soaring carelessly forward up the bends and curves of the mountain track. He has the windows down, letting the hissing winds and the loud rumble of the engines drown out conversations. Kai makes a sudden swerve to the wrong side of the curve halfway up, the car moments away from going down for a fiery death when he hits the break, leaving a couple of metres between the front wheels and the edge of the cliff. They climb out, Kai leaving the car key in the ignition lock. He turns on all the lights and alarm system, hits the gas pedal, and lets the car slide down to its death, noises blaring and lights flashing, tearing apart the night.

 

They stand there on the edge, watching the Maserati crash and burn down the mountain together. It's a long walk down, but he supposes Kai makes an acceptable conversational partner.

 

"So I heard Chanyeol said you're really good at drifting."

 

"It's a sports based on the notion of going out of control."

  


-

  
"We just need the LSD, then new tires, new gearbox and engine mounts, additional monitors in the cockpit, new hand brake, new dampers, a lot of tuning work on the engine, and your car will be good for the race. I still don't get why you don't just use your old Genesis for this though. I mean, sure, it's a little banged up after Kai, but the engine's all good."

 

"Are you sure he doesn't need new decals and a few flashing LED lights to go with that?" Lu Han calls out from behind his Skyline, and Kris rolls his eyes. Or rather, Kyungsoo thinks Kris must be rolling his eyes, since his head is still submerged somewhere under the hood of Kyungsoo's new Genesis. Kris has somehow announced himself the official mechanic for Kyungsoo's car, despite Chanyeol's protests. Kyungsoo is starting to suspect he's the only one who actually does any work around here.

 

"And if you need extra aesthetic mods to your car, please go to Lu Han."

 

"No you don't!" Minseok shrieks from behind his 370Z Coupe. "I did _not_ ask for this Hello Kitty paint job! _What have you done!_ " Minseok turned up mid-noon screaming with a giant Hello Kitty face spray-painted over the hood of his 370Z. Kyungsoo thought it was the work of some vandalistic prankster, but it turned out to be Lu Han. Although he's starting to doubt whether Lu Han isn't one.

 

"Calm down, Little Bun. You never know, maybe you'll win Prettiest Modded Car Award at Race War thanks to me. Hello Kitty paint job also increases your horsepower by 300%, truth."

 

"What about the several dozens of anime decals all over my window shields? How the hell do you expect me to see out of this?"

 

"Each decal counts for 50 bhp okay. And who needs perfect vision when you have Misa Misa decals on your wind shield?"

 

Kyungsoo can never quite determine if the cute blond kid, Lu Han (who turns out not to be a kid after all), is actually ironic or genuine about everything he does with his deadpan voice and fluttering Bambi eyes.

 

They lend Kyungsoo a yellow Hyundai Tuscani while his car is in the shop. Egg yolk colour, Baekhyun says, grinning as he hands him the key. The key ring actually comes with a plastic yellow egg. It's actually Baekhyun's old car, though these days he doesn't really use it anymore. Kris asks Baekhyun to go get some new parts from a shop downtown, and Kyungsoo volunteers to drive him. "Just a test drive," Kyungsoo says as he climbs into the driver seat of the Tuscani, "to make sure I can handle the egg yolk." Summer is creeping in, the heat lazy and oppressive in the garage.

 

Baekhyun turns out to be an even bigger gossip-trader than Chanyeol. He fiddles with the radio in the car, jumping from foreign hip-hop to obnoxious K-pop girl group to hyper trot songs to traffic reports, and then settling back on bubblegum K-pop girl groups. Baekhyun is the kind of person that dances in the car at every red light, even when dancing means waving your arms and bobbing your head around like an octopus.

 

"Chanyeol and Kris really do have twin cars, and it isn't just the stock body. They have the same engines, same mods, same everything. It's some kind of weird rivalry to see who would come out on top with practically the same GT-R, I don't know. They even won those cars together."

 

"They won the cars?" Kyungsoo has wondered about the two identical GT-Rs in the parking lot of the garage.

 

"Oh yeah. It was some crazy car-for-car double bet during a race a while ago. They raced together as a two-person team that time and brought back the two beasts. Crazy shit, only those two, really." Baekhyun switches the station again to traffic reports. Congestion in Susaek-dong. Three-car pile-up in Sowon-gil. Head-on collision. Deaths to be reported.

 

"Kai is one of those people who are really good at the disappearing act. If you write a biography about him, there's going to be several blank pages with the little note on top - 'he dropped off the face of the earth here,' and then the next page - 'he resurfaced four months later.' If you rip out the blank pages, it's gonna be a pretty short book."

 

"I've seen him around. I just saw him at the garage yesterday."

 

"Yeah, about that. He's been popping up a lot more often since you've been around. How curious." Baekhyun grins, looking at him sideway. "Maybe he'll finally drop the Houdini lifestyle." Baekhyun's grin turns contemplative. Long fingers tap against the window pane. "Well, I suppose he wasn't always like that. He's only been pulling the disappearing act since... I don't know - four, five years ago I guess? After he had this huge fall-out with Sehun and Lu Han. They seem to think no one else noticed, but it's kind of obvious, man. It's just that no one wants to talk about it."

 

"What kind of fall-out?"

 

"Well... Sehun and Kai were kind of childhood friends? They grew up together in the same neighbourhood. Many of us did, to be honest. That's how we ended up hanging out together. Like Chanyeol and Minseok and me. Anyway, I don't know... Sehun was always following Kai around? Then Lu Han came along and they were this inseparable trio of hell. But I don't know, somewhere along the line Sehun and Lu Han ended up together. Kai got mad at them or something, I guess. These things happen. I'm a bit unclear on the details. Then one night he just disappeared. Crazy shit - they found his car smashed down the side of a mountain. Everyone really freaked out."

 

A slick obsidian black BMW convertible pulls up next to them at a red light, half a kilometer away from the garage on their way back. It's Kai behind the steering wheels, smirking at them as he pulls off his giant aviator sunglasses like some kind of picture perfect movie star on his way to pick up a dinner date. "How's your racing machine?" He asks as Kyungsoo rolls down the windows of the Tuscani.

 

The BMW flashes its lights three times. He can hear the hum of the engines revving up. Kyungsoo smiles to himself, leaning back, shifting the Tuscani into gear. Baekhyun straightens up next to him when he realizes what is about to happen. Kyungsoo stares straight into Kai's eyes, their hands firm on the steering wheels, the distance between them shrinking down to that single line of eye contact. Kai's lips are twitched up into a slight smirk, but his eyes are not smiling. It isn't quite a challenge, but it comes close.

 

The traffic light flickers to yellow. Three, two, one. Yellow to green. Zero. And they both slam down on the gas.

 

"Are you serious right now- Holy shit!" Baekhyun shrieks beside him, but Kyungsoo barely notices. "Kyungsoo, eyes on the fucking _road_ -!"

 

They hold the eye contact as both cars surge forward, the speedometer creeping up up up until they remain steady, side by side. It isn't a race, not when both Kai and he are on the same wavelength, soaring down the empty stretch of the road staring into each other's eyes as if they're about to do some kind of suicide dive off a cliff together. Till death do us part, just us two against the world, etcetera. It's that same feeling when their Jaguar and Genesis scraped and pulled at each other to the finish line that very first night on the Incheon track. Kai's eyes are bright and insistent. He lets the car go, riding on the wave.

 

Baekhyun screams somewhere beside him. Some car honks loudly as it swerves past them, millimeters away from collision. Kyungsoo lets instinct and intuition control his grip on the steering wheel. Kai is still smiling. It's exhilarating, not seeing where he's going. They finally break eye contact a hundred metres away from the garage, Kai turning his eyes back on the road with a wide smile as he speeds off ahead of them, rounding the curve down to their destination. Kyungsoo pulls up to the garage's front yard just mere seconds behind.

 

"Holy shit, Chanyeol wasn't kidding when he said you would be Kai version 2.0," Baekhyun throws his hands up in the air in exasperation as he stumbles out on the other side of the Tuscani. Kai jumps over the edge of his convert, not even bothering with doors. He has his arm slung around Kyungsoo's shoulders as they make their way back into the garage together.

 

"Aren't you acting a bit too familiar with me?" Kyungsoo pushes half-heartedly at the arm around his neck. The weight is already getting familiar.

 

"Don't be sad you make a good armrest."

 

 

Kyungsoo leaves the Tuscani back at the garage and lets Kai drive him to some deserted spot by the Han river with the shiny BMW convert later that afternoon. They stretch out on top of it, looking at the sunset reflected on sky-high glass towers, making up the city's shimmering skyline.

 

"You obviously have something you're dying to say to me. Just out with it. I'm prepared for all kinds of confession." Kai smirks, leaning close to him, his eyes inches away from Kyungsoo's cheek. Kai's smirk is about five times more potent from this distance (or lack of it), Kyungsoo thinks. The full curve of his lips makes for such a aesthetically pleasing sight, lighted up by the sunset.

 

"I saw you dive straight down a skyway with that silver Jaguar a few weeks back. That first night we met, after the race. No one walked away from that wreckage. I waited."

 

"Oh." Kai leans back, heaving himself up higher on his elbows. "Well." His eyebrows furrow. "Since we're in a sharing mood, a while ago I saw you flip your old Genesis at least five rounds down the road. It burst into fire. There was a firetruck coming and everything. Very dramatic."

 

"When did you know?" His heartbeat pounds loud in his chest. Kyungsoo surreptitiously curls his hands against his thighs, as if he could claw the shivery feeling out from under his skin.

 

"No, go slowly. Ask the right question." Kai's eyes are bright when he looks down at him. The sky is getting darker around them, a crystal clear shade of deep grey-ish blue. Summer is around the corner now. It's stopped raining these last few weeks.

 

"Where do you go after the crash?"

 

"The future. You?"

 

Kyungsoo pauses for a beat. That wasn't what he expected to hear. "...I don't think we go to the same place. Crashes always send me backwards in time."

  


-

  
So apparently Kyungsoo is the kind of person who travels backwards in time, and he is the kind of person who travels forward. It takes Kai a while to draw a proper timeline in his head. "I always thought there was just one kind of time travel, huh. I never expected there would be a second type."

 

"I never expected there would be any type of time travel at all." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. Kyungsoo draws him a chart on the back of some grocery receipt he dug out from his wallet. Kyungsoo is that kind of person who saves stacks of receipts in his wallet, everything sorted by stores and cards. He draws a chart with a piece of pencil - lines, loops, and sharp angles. 

 

"The crash is the focal point. The loop always starts with a car crash. Doesn't matter if you crash into a concrete building or do a suicide dive with the car off the side of a mountain, as long as it's a fatal crash." Kyungsoo taps the pencil against the steering wheel of the BMW. They are huddled together under the warm orange interior light of the car, the top of the convert already pulled up. Kyungsoo is almost splayed against his side in an attempt to show the tiny chart to him.

 

"Same here," Kai nods, reaching out an arm to wrap around Kyungsoo's shoulders, pulling him closer. Kyungsoo barely reacts.

 

"Okay, so let's start from the point of the crash. When I crash a car, it sends me backwards in time to a point that's, well, about a week or so before my original point in time. A few days, a week, two weeks, it varies. I've never figured out how that works. During this period, from this point I got sent to - let's call it point A, to the point I originated from - let's call it point B... there are two versions of me." Kyungsoo furiously circles the two big dots A and B, then drawing two little stick figures. "Kyungsoo Prime who just got sent back in time, and Kyungsoo Double who's living normally in his normal timeline. Kyungsoo Prime has a second chance to change anything he wants during this period, because he has existing knowledge of the A-B period. Then when point B approaches again, Kyungsoo Double crashes the car and gets sent away," an arrow loops the Kyungsoo Double stick figure back to point A, "and Kyungsoo Prime continues to live as the only Kyungsoo in the timeline once again."

 

Kai stares at the tiny graph with little loops and squiggly stick figures. "Your drawing is horrible. A five-year-old child could probably do better." Kyungsoo reaches back to slap his shoulders. Kai laughs, then settles down to point at the black dot titled B in the graph. "But what if something happens and Kyungsoo Double doesn't crash the car so he doesn't get sent away? Does Kyungsoo Prime cease to exist?"

 

"...That has never happened before, and I don't want to see if it could happen. I plan these loops out. I always follow my plans." Kyungsoo's thick eyebrows furrow. Kai believes him, too.

 

"But Kyungsoo Prime changes things in the new timeline. Anything could happen."

 

"Kyungsoo Prime only changes small, unrelated things that have no consequences on the crash whatsoever." Kyungsoo intones, looking as serious as he's ever been. Kai feels the urge to poke him in the cheeks to make him smile, but his fingers only hover somewhere above Kyungsoo's head.

 

"Are you in a loop right now?"

 

"I'm only here hanging out with you because I'm in a loop right now." Kyungsoo throws him a quick smirk, pushing himself a little away from Kai as he's done explaining his chart.

 

"Am I talking to Kyungsoo Prime or Kyungsoo Double here?"

 

"Kyungsoo Double."

 

"So there's a Kyungsoo Prime running around somewhere in this city right now?" Kai grins. The thought of two Kyungsoo being in the same place at the same time is... intriguing.

 

"He's not running around. He's in my- our office right now, putting his knowledge of the period A-B into use." Kyungsoo slaps him in the shoulders again, as if he could read Kai's thoughts.

 

"So what do you do in a loop? Correct mistakes you made the first time around? Buy lottery tickets?"

 

"That, or taking advantage of opportunities. That's where my job comes in. Trading stocks, drafting deals. I accumulate these knowledge, then crash and go back in time to use them for my job. Or for my private account."

 

"So why exactly are you here hanging out with me if you have stock markets and trading contracts to deal with?"

 

"Kyungsoo Prime takes over my life the moment he appears in the loop. He's trader-at-an-investment-bank Kyungsoo, he lives in a two-bedroom apartment suite somewhere in Gangnam, he drives a BMW to work in the morning, he has hasty lunch dates on the glass towers overlooking the Han river in Yeouido. Meanwhile I get a vacation away from work to do whatever I want, just hanging around in a small private room somewhere on the other side of the city, checking on stock prices and market fluctuations, storing all this information until the time comes and I go out, pick up some cheap old car and crash it, getting sent back to a previous point in time to become Kyungsoo Prime and go back to work, back to my glass and steel office in Yeouido, utilising all this information from the future."

 

"Making money."

 

"Making big profit. Taking opportunities I couldn't have foreseen the first time around. Anticipating reactions and negotiating deals. Avoiding disasters." Of course Kyungsoo would figure out how to make money from time travel. Changing his own past. Carefully planning his own presence. Calculating his own future. Taking advantage of the predicted external factors. Except the predictions are things that have already happened... at some point in the future. "I just make small changes, going about my job with more... informed decisions. Just enough to get that next bonus. Or a promotion. Or a little extra something for my private account. It's all just good planning."

 

"So while you're on vacation, leaving Kyungsoo Prime to bring in the money for your bank account, you decide you might as well take up street racing as a hobby. Might as well join a race crew and hang out with a bunch of crazy guys at some random garage." His fingers are itching for a smoke, but Kyungsoo doesn't even let Kai touch his pack around him.

 

"Something like that. A little bit of fun, a little bit of thrill, why not? I like the speed and the adrenaline rush. This is not something investment-banker Kyungsoo would have a chance to do outside of the loop." Kyungsoo shrugs, smirking, his full lips tilted up, showing off a hint of white teeth. A childish-looking kind of smile. Kai has always thought Kyungsoo probably looks a lot younger than his age.

 

"It's funny, you know, how they say time is money. You really do make money out of time. Holy shit, your timeline is a mess." Kai laughs, smoothly taking the piece of receipt from under Kyungsoo's hand, fingers deliberately dragging against the other man's palm. Kyungsoo has small, short fingers, nails neatly trimmed. A childish-looking kind of hands.

 

"Not really, I told you, I plan these things out." 

 

"Well, it's certainly more of a headache than mine." Kai grabs the pencil from Kyungsoo's grasp, drawing a quick straight line under Kyungsoo's squiggly chart, then intermittent little half-moon curves over that line.

 

"So you crash and go to the future."

 

"Yep, I crash, and when I wake up, it's one week later. Two weeks later. A month later. Four months later. It varies. I guess it depends on the force of the impact, but I'm not sure. I'm not exactly a physicist." He writes his name next to the chart of his own timeline.

 

"You just jump ahead. Your drawing is as horrible as mine. I can't even read your handwriting."

 

"Shut up, my line is straighter than yours. I press the fast forward button on my own life a lot. Skip, skip, skip. The presence get boring fast, why stay and wait? The unknown future should be more exciting. I have no plans, I don't plan anything. I just throw myself headfirst into the future. Very simple, very straightforward."

 

"That's... unsettling."

 

"Says you, Mr. Obsessive Compulsive Planner. I'd go crazy if I had to go about my life in loops, living certain points in the past over and over." He has never been good at planning. Kai contemplates hiring Kyungsoo to plan his life for him, then quickly rejects the idea.

 

"It gets easier. It makes life easier the second time."

 

They send the BMW convert to its death off a skyway later that evening. Kai leaves the key in the ignition lock and they watch it surge in the air before succumbing to gravity and crashing to the asphalt below together. No one jumps backwards or forwards in time that night. Kyungsoo asks him to come to a BBQ party as the cacophony of crashing metal and glass dies down.

 

Apparently there's a BBQ party at Suho's place on Saturday. Everyone and their aunt is invited, Kyungsoo says. Kai thinks it's a little ironic that his invitation has to be extended through Kyungsoo. He says yes anyway.

 

 

"I think this is the first time in... a very long while that the twelve of us can be all together in the same place at the same time!" Suho says, excitement clear in his voice as he makes them do the first cheer over a long table full of meat and salad in the backyard of his house. It takes all of them a long while to settle down to actually hear what Suho says, everyone squabbling and shouting over each other, arguing over food drinks car engines and all sorts of irrelevant things. Kyungsoo, Yixing, and Kris stand in a far corner to barbecue the meat. It's only until Kris finally puts down his grill tongs and frowns over the heads of the squabbling crowd that everyone settles down to their place.

 

Kyungsoo makes the first round of wraps for everyone, calmly distributing the food like a true mother duck. He stays close to Kyungsoo for the rest of the meal, until everyone moves on from demolishing the towers of food to other fun activities, such as drenching the host with the garden hose. It's been a while since he last hung out with the guys, and Kai finds himself laughing and joking around with everyone more than he thought he would. It's easy to fall back into the good old times, his stealing Yixing's food when he isn't looking, running around knocking paper cups out of Jongdae's hands for fun, or fanboying over the latest Motor Show with Kris and Chanyeol.

 

It still takes a lot out of him though. The noisy crowd gets draining after a while, and he quietly wanders off towards a deserted corner, watching the commotion from afar. He's just sitting on the steps to the main house like that, blank-faced and sipping on a beer, when someone nudges him on the back. When he looks up, it isn't Kyungsoo, but Lu Han hovering over him. Lu Han nudges him over again, and settles down next to him on the steps. He glances at the sharp lines of Lu Han's face from around the outline of his bottle. They haven't seen each other up close like this for... a long while. Lu Han looks... more gaunt, more grown-up. There's still that baby face, but he also looks more adult-like - the way he moves, his mannerisms. The difference is suddenly startling to Kai.

 

"I'm glad you came. You haven't been around much." Lu Han smiles, holding out his own beer for an easy cheer. "Well, at least not until lately. I've been seeing more of you after the Incheon track a few months back. After you nearly rammed my Skyline off the road."

 

"Yeah, sorry about that I guess." He chuckles, shifting a little until Lu Han's arm doesn't brush against his anymore.

 

"Will you stay for long this time? Sehun still worries about you. Where you disappear off to for months at a time."

 

"I'm not a kid anymore, Lu Han." He closes his eyes briefly. He could still see Sehun surreptitiously staring at them from afar. "And Sehun could quit using you as the messenger any time now. He could talk to me if he wanted to. I'm not mad at him. Or you. Or anyone, really. It's been a long time."

 

Lu Han is quiet for a while. "We were really worried, that first time you disappeared. Five months, Kai. Five months of no news, no message, no goodbye, nothing. They found your car a broken wreck down the side of a mountain, the driver's side mashed in. No body in the area. We looked for you all over all the hospitals in the city. By the end of the third month, everyone was prepared for the worst. Sehun stopped talking to me for weeks. He felt guilty. I did, too."

 

"It was no one's fault."

 

"You stormed out on us that night, Kai. You were angry. I could have handled that better. I could have stopped you."

 

"For what? I just went away and came back five months later, still perfectly fine. I just needed some time to myself. I could have told you, yeah, but like you said, I was mad. I was young and stupid. Young people do stupid shit all the time."

 

"It's impossible for me not to feel like I'm the one who keeps you away from everyone else."

 

"Lu Han," he sighs, downing the rest of his beer, "it's no one's fault that Sehun and you are meant to be or all that cheesy crap. I was young and stupid, but I got over it. I've got my own life now, I've got a job, I'm busy. These things happen, Lu Han. People drift apart. It's been a long time." He stands up, patting the other man on the shoulders. "Nice talking to you."

 

 

All of them come down together to the Sowon-gil track for the race that night, soaking up the party and the adrenaline. He hangs back with Jongdae and Suho, watching Kyungsoo, Kris, Chanyeol, Sehun, and the rest of the guys one by one rake in the money from the betting pools. It's a good night for all of them, everyone high on the steady hum of engines and the heavy summer heat. Kyungsoo's new Genesis does an excellent test run.

 

He says goodbye to everyone halfway through the night, waving and hugging. He ignores the way Kyungsoo's wide eyes stare at him, oddly solemn. Kai fondles his round cheeks, pushing them up in imitation of a smile, before climbing into a titanium silver Lexus LS and speeding off into the night. The race is good, but nothing is as satisfying as the familiar feeling of adrenaline rushing in his veins when he slams headfirst into the side of a tunnel at top speed, hearing the screeching sounds of breaking metal and glass and then-

 

Everything goes black.

  


-

  
He has probably come to expect the sight of Kai sitting on his doorstep like a lost poodle every once in a while. Kai smiles up at him from under his bangs when he unlocks the door. Kai looks tired, shadows dark under his eyes. There's crusted blood on the edge his upper lip, probably remnants of another nosebleed.

 

"How long has it been this time?" Kai trails after him into the kitchen, hovering over his shoulders as he puts down the grocery bag.

 

"I don't know, why don't you check yourself?" He shoves Kai towards the direction of the kitchen table where he left the morning newspapers.

 

"Hmm... nearly one whole month. That's a bit longer than I expected." Kai's fingers trace over the headlines.

 

"Do you really care about lost time?" Kyungsoo pulls out the small bag of rice cake and some large green onions, waving it in Kai's direction.

 

"Not really. There's nothing keeping me down around this place anyway. So what's for lunch? Is that spicy ddukbokki you're making?"

 

"You're here a lot. Start being useful and help with making the food." He has Kai on green onion chopping duty. Kai's knifework is terrible. The green onion turns out uneven and scraggly, but at least Kai is not bleeding over them.

 

"I see you've started buying more food for me. Hey, put more chili paste in. And more cheese on top of it later okay?" Kai nudges his shoulders, his body swaying against Kyungsoo's, brushing his back. The heat of his body is familiar. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, but doesn't shrug off the intrusive presence.

 

"You would be the worst kind of backseat driver."

 

Kai smiles, his eyes light up, facial muscles pulling up, showing off white teeth. Kyungsoo thinks he's cute like this, the smile making him look young and naive. No trace of the half-smirk behind tinted car windows.

 

"How old are you?" He asks, "Your real age. You've been skipping months and years of your life, so you must be younger than what everyone else thinks, right?" 

 

Kai's full lips purse, a finger reaching up to touch his bottom lip. "I don't know, I don't remember. I don't count the missing time." The years blur together after a while. Time starts to lose its meaning.

 

"What year were you born then?"

 

It takes Kai a while to answer him, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tries to remember. "1994. January, maybe? I remember I kept trying to tell the neighbour kids that they should call me hyung even if we were born in the same year. How old are you?"

 

"Early 1993. I'm definitely your hyung." He stirs the large pot of red hot ddukbokki, then dropping two packs of ramen in. Kai excitedly pokes them with a chopstick, swirling them around. He grabs a handful of the scraggly green onions and sprinkles them on top of the pot.

 

"I bet. And you've been repeating months and years of your life, right? So you have to add all that extra time on top of your original age. You're gonna be an old man before all your friends. Anyway, it depends on whose frame of reference we're looking at, doesn't it? Other people see us as 28, 29 only because that much time has passed for them. But for you, you're probably lived for like thirty-something years now, haven't you?" Kai is at least decent at table setting duty now. They bring the large pot to the middle of the table together.

 

"And you're probably a few years younger than everyone thinks you are. I don't know my real age, I don't count my looped time either." Kyungsoo dutifully spoons the rice cake and the soup into two small matching bowls for them. Kai brings two glasses of water to the table. Everything in double sets.

 

"The more the two of us travel in time, the further our age difference would be, funny that. Maybe when I keep skipping ahead, one day you'll be one of those obnoxious filthy rich middle-aged men who's going to hire me to crash your precious Ferrari Enzo." Kai hisses over a piping hot piece of rice cake, dropping it back into the bowl.

 

"Or maybe both of us are outside of the normal time stream and we don't age anymore. How would I know? People keep telling me I have an age-defying face." Kyungsoo shrugs, carefully blowing on his ramen. He pauses while holding up a big piece of rice cake, waiting for it to cool down. "Why don't you do it then? Why don't you just skip ahead until the end of time? Do you think you could do that? Yet you keep staying around here, around this point in time." 

 

They go quiet for a while, busy slurping on their soup and noodles. 

 

"I think you're not ready to let go of the people around you. You have a life here, don't you? If you kept skipping ahead and everyone you knew died, you wouldn't have a life anymore. You'd cease to exist in the stream. You'd be outside of time, isolated. No one to come back to. I think you hold on to your friends more than you know."

 

Kai hums around his chopsticks. His ankles brush against Kyungsoo's legs under the table.

 

They finish their meal and clean up. Kyungsoo is putting the last pot up to dry when Kai presses him against the kitchen counter and kisses him, full lips brushing against his, soft but insistent. His hands automatically come up to push at Kai's shoulders, but Kai is not budging, and he ends up grasping at the shirt on Kai's shoulders, fingers curling around lithe muscles. Kai pulls away for a brief moment, the two of them staring at each other. He opens his mouth to say something, but Kai is already leaning in again, his lips mouthing against the curve of Kyungsoo's mouth, a hint of tongue wet on his bottom lip. He shoves Kai away this time, the force making both of them stumble backwards.

 

"What?" Kai asks him, all dark eyes and hooded lids. His hands are brushing against Kyungsoo's hips, the grip loose but exploring. "You want this, don't you?" Kai's fingers brush against the front of his pants, and Kyungsoo bites down on his lip, closing his eyes. He belatedly shoves the hand away maybe a moment too late. "How long has it been for you? You're so sensitive..."

 

Kai's body is flush against his, the heat warm and familiar. His thigh nudges in between Kyungsoo, their difference in height make him rest his weight on Kai. Kyungsoo's thighs instinctively squeeze around Kai, the heat making his skin tingle underneath the fabric of his pants.

 

"You're always so tightly wound, so proper... The only time you let go is when you race. You keep every moment of your life so structured, so carefully planned, except for that crash. But that isn't enough, is it?" Kai is whispering against his skin, lips trailing the underline of his jaw. Kyungsoo feels the shivers running underneath his skin, his breath shaky and hot. This is not how it is supposed to go, but he can never seem to say no to Kai. "You need to lose control... a little." Kai's thigh nudges up under him, and Kyungsoo gasps, falling forward.

 

He shoves Kai away when deft fingers reach the button of his pants. Kai stares at him for a long moment before all the tension goes out of his body and his shoulders sag, his lips twitching up slightly. Kyungsoo turns away, sighing. He bites down on his bottom lip, eyes tracing the sinuous lines of Kai's neck going all the way up to his sharp jaw line. He wants to apologise, but what comes out of his mouth is, "You have that look."

 

"That look?" Kai turns to look at him again, but he's already shifted away, moving away from the kitchen counter. The hard marble top is still digging into Kyungsoo's palms.

 

"Like one of those people that everyone fucks on the side once or twice and then drops like hot potato. Everyone wants you, but no one thinks they can tie you down, so they just don't try."

 

"A trophy fuck. Huh." Kai tilts his head, his lips twitching up into a half smile. "I guess that does sound like me. So what, you don't want to fuck me?"

 

"Not really. Why should I?" Kyungsoo mutters, turning away to hide the half-hard tent in his pants. He could hear Kai chuckle from behind his back.

 

"Maybe you need a little time to think about that. What if I went out right now and crashed another car then re-appeared a few weeks later your time? Would you change your mind by then?"

 

"You're ridiculous." Kyungsoo glances back. He laughs, but the sound is awkward in the air.

 

"I'm an impatient person. I'm always skipping ahead."

 

"It sounds more like you're running away from the present."

  


-

  
It's the Sowon-gil track again. Kyungsoo has been going out to the midnight races more often with the guys lately, everyone telling him to get more practice in. It's good fun anyway, hanging out with them when he has the time, even when sometimes all he does all night is joining an impromptu rubik's cube solving class taught by Lu Han with Minseok and Baekhyun. Kyungsoo pretends his heart doesn't nearly jump out of his chest when he catches sight of Kai across the crowd. The younger man is walking towards them, no car in sight. If everyone else is surprised by Kai suddenly showing up at a race track out of nowhere, no one shows it. Kyungsoo's eyes trace after him when Kai walks over to Tao. They hug, Kai's hand pulling on Tao's neck, and Kyungsoo tries his best to pretend he isn't trying to overhear the conversation.

 

"What's the date?"

 

"September 3rd. Why?"

 

"Can I borrow your car tonight?" Kai is smiling now, his smile deceptively sweet and genuine as he looks straight into Tao's eyes. "Please? I promise it'll remain pristine and flawless by the end of the night." Tao doesn't stand a chance, even if he hesitate for a split second, probably thinking about all the damage Kai could do to a car. Kai gracefully takes the key from his hand anyway.

 

"Are you racing tonight?" Kris frowns at him, suspiciously eyeing the car key in Kai's hand. "And I mean actual racing, not being a cockblocking asshole for K team."

 

"Sure!" Kai grins, suddenly turning towards him. Kyungsoo's eyes widen when he catches his gaze. "Hey Kyungsoo, let's go!"

 

"Kai, you lay off Kyungsoo's Genesis this time! He actually needs it for Race War after all the work I've put into it, okay?" Kris shouts after them, and Kai just laughs, waving his hand high in the air as he makes his way to Tao's car.

 

"Yeah, yeah, I promise Kyungsoo's everything will remain pristine and flawless by the end of tonight, too!"

 

Kyungsoo fumbles with his key on the way to his own car. It's a drag race this time, only four cars - him, Kai, and two other drivers. His car is next to Kai's on the starting line, and Kai is smirking at him across their lowered car windows, his eyes dark and heated. It's already early autumn, but somehow Kyungsoo feels his face getting warmer even in the slightly chilled night air.

 

Then the flag goes down, and they leap forward.

 

Kai tears forward with all his cocksure attitude and concentrated ferocity, just like he expected. This is where they let go, this is where they forget everything but the dizzying speed and the rush of adrenaline in their veins, the road stretching ahead endlessly for those very brief seconds of nothingness. Out of time, out of space.

 

They are seconds away from the finish line when Kyungsoo realizes Kai has no intention of stopping. He laughs, the sound bubbling up from his chest when he keeps pressing down on the gas, and the two of them fly past the bewildered faces of onlookers on the two sides of the track.

 

They drive side by side, Kyungsoo calmly keeping up with the younger man, their cars tearing through the night down the highway and then going all the way down to Han River. They're not looking at each other, but it seems like they both know where they're going. The twin Genesis's skid to a stop down a deserted spot on the Han River bank. Kai kicks the door open and jumps out of his car. Kyungsoo is barely stepping out of the driver's seat when Kai surges up to him, grabbing his arm and pulling him out. He barely gets a word in before Kai yanks open the back door of the black Genesis and shoves him inside again, his body sprawling all over the backseat. Then Kai climbs in after him, lithe body pressing flush against his. Kai has his arms braced on both sides of his head, and Kyungsoo can't look away even if he wants to.

 

"So it's been a little over one week, have you changed your mind?" Kai is not smiling, not really, his eyes dark and oddly solemn in the enclosed space of the car. 

 

"What?" He croaks out, the heat making his head dizzy. He can't even form a half-coherent thought at the moment. Then Kai leans down, and they're kissing, hot lips brushing against each other over and over, then a hint of wet tongue, and there's Kai licking between his lips, parting them open. Kyungsoo gasps brokenly when Kai's tongue touches his own. They're licking deep into each other's mouth, hot and wet and filthy, the sounds of their kissing and panting breath loud and obscene in the back of the car. Kai rolls his hips down, and Kyungsoo almost chokes, throwing his head back.

 

Kai's fingers flick open the buttons of his pants, and before long, they're wrapping around his hot hard cock, stroking and pulling with a solid touch. Kai's thumb flicks over the head of his cock with every stroke, making his hips jerk and writhe. When he looks up, Kai is breathing hard over him, drops of sweat slowly rolling down his jaw line, dipping into the edge of his collarbone hidden underneath his shirt. Kyungsoo groans, reaching out to touch the hot dark skin, but Kai suddenly pulls away, yanking his pants down his thighs and pushing his legs up.

 

Kyungsoo bites down hard on his knuckles when Kai shuffles down and take the head of his cock into his mouth. Kai's tongue is flicking against the slit over and over, full swollen lips wrapped hot and wet around his cock, and Kyungsoo can't stop shaking, his hands reaching down to claw against the leather seats. His hips can't help twitching up, and Kai graciously, slowly takes everything in, lips pulled tight around the hardness of his cock. It's slow and torturous and absolutely maddening. Kyungsoo comes in spurts into that sinful mouth when he realizes Kai is jerking himself off while sucking him, hand shoved down the open fly of his pants.

 

He groans loudly when he realizes Kai swallows it all down, tongue licking and smearing come across red swollen lips while he brings himself to completion, coming all over the black leather seats.

 

"Fuck," Kai huffs out a breathless laugh when he half-collapses over Kyungsoo's legs, "I guess your car just can't stay pristine tonight after all."

 

Ten minutes later, they're still lying all over each other in the backseat, and Kyungsoo is finding it increasingly hard to push Kai off his legs, their bodies languid and sated after the release. His fingers unconsciously curl around the dark locks of Kai's hair, stroking and petting. It's quiet in the dead of night, nothing else but their rhythmic breathing inside this enclosed space. It's oddly calming, he thinks, after all that frenzy and adrenaline rush.

 

"Tell me about your most memorable crash."

 

Kai is silent for a long while, his fingers tracing lines around Kyungsoo's wrist. He looks contemplative. "It was... well, it was my second time. I was really angry that night over some stupid shit... got into an argument with my two closest friends. They didn't exactly lie to me, but- well, in retrospect it didn't matter at all, but I was really mad at everything then. So I went out, and I really wasn't sure, I'd only done it once before, but I thought, why the hell not? So I drove up a mountain. That was the most satisfying crash ever in my life. It was a little like flying, that moment before the crash. It was the longest jump, too. Five whole months."

 

"Were you-" Kyungsoo starts, then stops himself. "So that's how you do heartbreak."

 

Kai scoffs against his hips. "What? I don't think I even know what heartbreak means."

 

"You should look it up in the dictionary." Kyungsoo's voice is dry. "For someone who claims ignorance of feelings, you sure are dramatic about expressing them. You drove a car off a cliff because of them."

 

"Only to resurface five months later, good as new. And not even five minutes had passed for me."

 

"But you weren't sure at the time."

 

"...No, I was not."

 

"It was fifty-fifty, wasn't it? You could have either come out of it good as new a few months later, or you could have died, crushed under the metal wreckage at the bottom of that cliff. What if the universe was split into two at that moment, and there's a universe in which you died after that crash running in parallel with this universe we're in right now?"

 

"So what? It's not like the stuff in that other alternate universe matters to me here. I'm still alive." Kai's heartbeat strong against his thigh.

 

"What if someday it's the you in this universe the one who dies in the crash?"

 

"You're such a ray of sunshine today, Kyungsoo. Anyway, it wouldn't matter either, because I'd be dead and there would be another me living happily and obliviously in yet another alternate universe." Kai shifts up, looking down at him. "...That's a lot of alternate universes."

 

"The tree-branch theory of the universe. Every person's worldline splits off into trillions of branches with every decision we make. Maybe we don't really travel through time, we just travel between alternate universes. Maybe in some alternate universe we are all K-pop idols in the same group with Chanyeol, Suho, Baekhyun, or even Sehun. Who knows?"

 

"I really did audition for SM Entertainment when I was a kid. Maybe that alternate universe has some basis after all. What if, right?"

 

"It didn't work out?"

 

"It didn't work out. Trainee life is difficult, you know? All that time and effort year after year, not knowing whether you'll ever make it. Even as a kid, I was too impatient to wait around."

 

"I joined a lot of singing competitions when I was in school, too. But I guess I realized singing wouldn't actually make a practical career or make that much money. It's all about the fame game. I'm good without the fame. I'm okay with this universe I'm in right now. Gangnam apartment suite, skyscraper office, slick black BMW." He waves towards the glittery skyline outside of the car window. 

 

"Drag racing at night. Time traveling by car crashes."

 

"Time traveling by car crashes. But imagine that, us as singing dancing national idols, all BB cream and sequin stage outfits. Maybe we'd even get stuck with some ridiculous aliens from outerspace concept."

 

"I feel better about this universe already." Kai grins, running a hand through his hair. Kai looks like he could really be a celebrity, Kyungsoo thinks. All mysterious charm and intense charisma, smooth dark skin splayed across magazine spreads, oozing sensuality and seduction. "Maybe there really is just one reality though. Say, there are two possible parallel outcomes, but maybe our decision makes them collapse into one reality. Apparently you can change this timeline over and over, but the final revision is what counts. You writing your own reality. Maybe you even end up rewriting someone else' reality."

 

"I'm okay with this theory, too. But you know what, I don't want to change other people's lives. I don't want to think about the possible paradoxes. I still think time travel is a dangerous thing. Do you think it's just me who can do this? Do you think there are other people who can travel in time like us? What if we're all revising our own history? What do we call them - Car Crashers?"

 

"Crashers has a nice ring to it. I don't know, I guess there must be. You're the first one I meet though. It must be fate." Kai grins, taking Kyungsoo's hand in his, fingers deftly tracing the lines in his palm. "Sometimes I think it must be nice, knowing the future before it happens."

 

"I don't know the future, not really. Time is a curious thing. The definitions of past, present, and future get a little muddy for us." Maybe our life is just a series of events on a line, and all our past, present, and future exist at the same time on this line. "What you call the future is already a past for me. Something that has already happened. Yet I use it in my present to create changes in new events, creating a new future, and that previous version of the 'future' is not quite all true anymore. Maybe we can't use past, present, and future to describe our life anymore." 

 

Maybe there's no past, present, or future. There is no passage of time. Just us jumping from one point to another in a growing block universe.

 

"Maybe what we use to measure time - clocks, calendars - is just as arbitrary as using a ruler to measure space. How much space is in a meter? How much time is in an hour? Whose frame of reference are we talking about? Some people use feet instead of meters, we use something else to measure our time instead of hours or days. Your and my timeline started roughly one year apart, yet here we are, and much more time has passed for me than it has for you."

 

"Maybe we just don't measure our time at all. Maybe we're outside of time." Kai is still holding his hands, fingers curling warm around his. "We could be outside of time together."

  


-

  
He fucks Kyungsoo on top of a cherry red Chevy Corvette the next night, Kyungsoo sprawled face-down across the shiny hood of the car. Kyungsoo helplessly tries to claw and grasp at something, but there's nothing he can do as Kai fucks into him, pushing him up the smooth surface of the car with every thrust, nothing he can do but mouth soundless cries and gasping breaths against the metal frame with red swollen lips. His grip on Kyungsoo's hips tightens with every in-out stroke, and Kyungsoo comes all over the red hood of the car when Kai bites down on his shoulder, tender thighs trembling against metal, buttocks still weakly pushing against his cock.

 

They fuck in the back of Mercedes and Porsche, against Maybach and Maserati, metal frame digging bruises into skin. There's also that one time he shoves Kyungsoo against the passenger seat of a large racing green Jaguar, the space in front large enough for him to climb over Kyungsoo's thighs and let Kyungsoo's cock slide inside him, the slide in smooth and unbearably hot. They can't stop kissing as he bounces on in Kyungsoo's lap, his thighs flexing and trembling on both sides of Kyungsoo's hips, Kyungsoo's sweet mouth open in breathless gasps.

 

He thinks this must be what it feels like to be really getting out of control.

 

They always drive the car to its death afterwards, silently getting out of the car after he leaves the key in the ignition lock, watching it go down over a mountain or skyway.

 

"Sometimes i think we appreciate the crash more than its actual purpose. This is what we leave behind, a wreckage of metal rubber glass. Trading it for time. How dramatic."

 

Sometimes Kyungsoo drives them back to the city in his Genesis, sometimes they walk.

 

"When did you start the time traveling by car crashes?"

 

"A long time ago. Whose frame of reference are you looking at?" Kyungsoo laughs when Kai shoves him. "Yeah, okay, going by normal people's calendar, I'd say... six years ago?"

 

"But how did it happen? You don't just randomly decide to crash a car one day and see if you come out of it alive a few months later. ...Ago?"

 

"Yeah, no. There was an accident. I was driving back to Seoul one night when some Hyundai coming from the opposite direction crashed into me in the middle of the highway. Head-on collision. I remember feeling paralysed with numb terror with the headlights blinding in my face. I even felt the impact, metal crushing together. When I opened my eyes again, I was lying on the side of the road, only it was one week earlier than I remembered, and I was perfectly fine. Physically. I thought I was supposed to stop the accident, but then I really thought about it... if I saved my body double from the car accident, what would become of me in that timeline? Would I cease to exist? Would I be stuck there with a body double forever? I was scared, so eventually I did nothing. It turned out all right. My body double got into the accident, he got sent away to a previous point in time, and I was once again the only Kyungsoo around."

 

Kai goes quiet for a long moment. "What was the other car?"

 

"Hm? Some old Hyundai. Black, I think?" Kyungsoo pauses. "Now that I remember... they never found any body in that car crash. Not mine, of course. But not the other driver either. I don't remember reading about him, dead or alive."

 

"I think that other driver was me." 

 

"Oh."

 

"That makes sense, doesn't it? That... that was my first time, too. It was an accident. I'd been drinking - stupid young people doing stupid shit. When I woke up, it was one week later. No one else noticed I'd just disappeared for a week, but I thought it was strange."

 

"I suppose... that makes sense. Then what, you just started crashing to see if it would work again?"

 

"No... I thought maybe it was a one-off... some fluke. Some crazy time hole. I don't know. I wasn't sure until a year or so later. That second time... I told you, I crashed because I wanted to. Being angry, not thinking straight, you know? So I thought, why not? Maybe I'd be able to skip forward and leave all that shit behind, or worst case scenario: I'd die and no longer give a damn either." He closes his eyes briefly. "So yeah, I drove my car off a cliff and disappeared for five months straight. Everyone noticed that time. After that, I knew. Some acquaintance hooked me up with the car job, and I was good to go."

 

Kyungsoo is silent for a long moment. "I only started doing it after I read the news articles. Series of car crashes in remote locations around Seoul, no dead body ever found. It was just a small pointless article, but something kept pulling me back to it. I thought - maybe. That was you, wasn't it?"

 

"Yeah. Probably."

 

First time is an accident. Second time is an experiment. Third time is addiction.

  


-

  
He's making fried chicken and tomato soup, because that's Kai's favourite, and Kai has been quiet all evening. It unsettles him, how the younger man keeps wandering aimlessly around the apartment, stopping every once in a while to stare at him, then stare out of the window.

 

Kai still wanders over and hovers over his shoulders while he's making dinner though. He sees Kai shifting through newspapers and supermarket coupons on the table out of the corner of his eyes, deft fingers flipping through the pages. He sees Kai picking up his key ring and wallet, weighing them in his hands, spacing out. It takes him a few seconds to realize Kai is going through his wallet.

 

"What are you-"

 

Kai absently pulls out a polaroid, and Kyungsoo snaps his mouth shut. Kai stares at the polaroid for a really long time, his face expressionless. They are both quiet for a long while. "So." Kai throws his wallet down to the table, raising the polaroid up so he can see as well. The picture shows Kai and him together, grinning widely, Kai's face smooshed against his, one arm wrapped around Kyungsoo's shoulders as always, the other reaching out towards the camera - he's obviously the one who took the picture. The background shows them leaning against a car. A red Ferrari, brand new and shining in the sun. There's nothing unusual about the picture, except...

 

"I'm pretty sure I have never taken a picture with you. Ever. And I definitely don't remember this polaroid." Kai says, waving the little piece in the air. "So."

 

Kyungsoo stays silent.

 

"You can't be the Kyungsoo I normally meet, because you tell me you're only hanging with me when you're Kyungsoo Double having your little vacation, living the normal timeline. So I guess you're the Kyungsoo from the future. Kyungsoo Prime, isn't it? But if you're Kyungsoo Prime, aren't you supposed to be at your fancy Gangnam apartment suite or your glass tower office, trading financial securities and making profit out of the future?"

 

Kyungsoo winces. "Well, that's because I'm not... Kyungsoo Prime. And obviously not the normal Kyungsoo Double either. But I am... from the a point of time way ahead of this moment, you could say."

 

"I thought so. I was starting to think things didn't add up. I followed you... okay, normal Kyungsoo, back to his apartment last night, but it was a place several blocks up north from here. Nearer to the garage. I asked around, and he'd obviously lived there on and off for a while. That guy went on 'long business trips' a lot, the neighbours said. But I still don't get it. How many Kyungsoo are running around this city exactly?" 

 

"At this moment... if your normal Kyungsoo is in a loop... well he must be since he's living in that apartment now instead of the Gangnam one, I'd say... three of us." He glances down at the boiling pot of soup and turns the stove off.

 

"Three. Really." Kai raises a head to rub at his forehead. "Okay. When did you get here and what are you doing here exactly?"

 

"This loop of mine started about... seven months ago." He bites down on his lips. This is going to take some long explaining. At least the chicken is already done. "Seven months ago, I got thrown back in time to right around the first time we met at the Incheon race track, eight months away from my original point. That's... the furthest I've ever traveled in one go, actually. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. It was... an unplanned move. I actually had no plan, so I've just been... living here. Waiting for my point of origin to come. That's the day that polaroid was taken actually."

 

Kai stares accusingly at the polaroid. "And when was this taken?"

 

He glances at the calendar. "A few weeks from now, actually. Seven months ago for me, a few weeks from now for you."

 

"...This time frame shit is getting really confusing to me." Kai groans, walking away and throwing himself down to the couch. "When did we first meet?"

 

"Over a year ago for me - that's the night at the Incheon race track when you nearly rammed me off the road. But the first time you met me after I got thrown into this loop was seven months ago, that time at the grocery store and you ended up following me back here."

 

"So I've been seeing two Kyungsoo alternatively." Kai looks distinctively put out.

 

"Yeah. I thought you'd catch on sooner to be honest. I didn't expect to run into you in this loop again. I wanted to stay away, letting you meet me like how I remembered it happening, but you ran into me first." He remembers contemplating just walking away when he saw Kai stumble in that morning at the grocery shop. Out of all time and space, it seemed ridiculous that they would just stumble into each other's way again. "Then you kept coming back to this apartment." And he just couldn't push Kai away. He has never been able to. "I figured it would be okay, because I'd never taken you back to my place before, all those months I knew you before this loop."

 

"So what happened that day you got thrown back in time that made you go into an eight-month loop? Did you crash the Ferrari in this picture?" Kai is staring at it again, fingers tracing over the paper.

 

"Yeah, we did." He walks over to the couch as well, sitting down next to Kai.

 

"We?"

 

"We did it together. You and me."

 

"In the same car?"

 

"You said you wanted to try it. Sharing the experience, or something. Me into the past and you into the future at the same moment in time." He remembers the childish glint of excitement in Kai's eyes. That night seems like eons ago.

 

"Maybe it's because we did it together that you got thrown back so far. Joined time-traveling forces or some shit. Maybe I got thrown forward that far, too."

 

Kyungsoo sighs. "Yeah. When my point of origin comes again, you wouldn't be there. You'd be, I don't know, eight months into the future or something."

 

"You sound like you'd miss me." Kai smiles, leaning over, cupping Kyungsoo's cheek with his hand. "But yeah, that does sound like something I'd want to try."

  


-

  
They all go out to the Incheon track one night. It's nearly time for Race War, everyone is gearing up and trying to gauge the rivaling crews and their preparation, Chanyeol says. The track seems more crowded and noisy than usual, flashy tuner cars rolling in more often than stocks. Baekhyun spends the night pointing out pretty girls with gorgeous legs in hotpants and miniskirts to him. Kris hangs around with two kids who look like brothers, until Sehun laughs and calls one of them noona and Kyungsoo does a double take. Chanyeol and Yixing have a mini snack picnic on top of Kris' GT-R, gossiping about the other crews in the upcoming Race War.

 

"I heard the SJ crew just got a new recruit this time, too. Some giant Chinese guy. I heard their team is really strong this year."

 

"So who's driving for SNSD this year, do you know?" SNSD has a rotating crew, Chanyeol told him, since it's only five per team and they are a group of nine. It's a bit of a mystery how they even got together a racing crew of nine girls with exceptional legs, but the SNSD crew is always the pearl of the race track every year.

 

"Uhh... I only know Yoona, Yuri, and Sunny for certain. Oh, I heard Taeyeon pulled out, too." Baekhyun chimes in from the other side.

 

"Ooh, Yoona is scary."

 

"Baekhyun is only in Race War for the SNSD girls to be honest." Chanyeol laughs when Baekhyun reaches over and punches him in the shoulder. "What, it's true! I really hope Jessica isn't in, or we'd have to kick Baekhyun off the team because he'd be too busy staring at her to operate a car. True story, last year Baekhyun broke his nose on the spoiler of some asshole's Honda because he tripped over his feet when Jessica said hi to him."

 

"Hey, the SNSD girls are really scary okay! And I didn't break my nose, I just-" Baekhyun punches Chanyeol again when he reaches down and pets his hair. "Don't touch my hair, I spent an hour styling it this evening!"

 

"Is Amber driving for f(x) this year, too?" Sehun suddenly jumps over out of nowhere, plucking the bag of chips out of Chanyeol's hands.

 

"Yeah, she told Kris." Suho nods. "Henry is in for SJ, too. Having Kris with us is really good for information about the f(x) and SJ crews because he hangs out with them."

 

"Henry can't shut his mouth, that's true."

 

"Is DBSK coming to the race this year? Nobody has heard anything about them for a long while. It's like they've dropped off the face of the earth or something. I heard there was a split or something? I hope they're not up this year though. They're super scary." Baekhyun purses his lips.

 

"Ehh, ask Lu Han. Lu Han would know."

 

 

Kai doesn't come to the race that night, but he's there waiting for Kyungsoo in front of his apartment at four in the early morning when he gets back. He doesn't ask how Kai even knows where he lives. He opens the car door, and Kai climbs in, sliding into shotgun. They drive down to Gangnam, just following the endless stretch of empty streets and listening to the hum of tire treads against the asphalt. It's five twenty in the early morning. That's when people either begin or end their day. Waking up for passing out on the unmade bed. He's thinking about it, but they keep on driving. Headlights on. Kai is sprawled all over his seat. He looks tired, and Kyungsoo catches him pressing the heel of his hand to his temple more than once.

 

"Have you ever met your body doubles, your other selves?" Kai asks, and the question sounds like it should be teasing, but Kai isn't smiling. He looks contemplative, maybe.

 

"No, never. And I don't really want to. It's kind of creepy."

 

"It'd be interesting." Kai's lips twitch up in a smile, but he doesn't say anything else. "You drive like a man dying for a crash on a race track." Kai says this somewhere between Hyperion and Benecity. "You're so uptight all the time, but when you're behind the steering wheel of a car, you just... let go."

 

"Funny, someone used to tell me the same thing about you."

 

"I'm not uptight." Kai frowns, looking deeply offended in the rearview mirror.

 

"No, just stupid." Kai goes quiet after that. When Kyungsoo glances over again, he's leaning back, his face titled upwards to hold another nosebleed in. Kai's fingers are smeared with blood. "Has it been getting worse?" They have never talked about this. Kai hums low in his throat. Kyungsoo fixes his eyes on the road. "Sometimes my ears bleed, too. Or I get migraines for days. Always after a crash, after I wake up in a different time."

 

"You can't write." Kai suddenly speaks up, his head still tilted up, eyes staring at the dark ceiling of the car. 

 

"What?"

 

"You can't write anymore. Can't draw in a straight line. I know the characters in my head, but my hand doesn't want to make them happen. Left hand, right hand. Everything comes out illegible."

 

Kyungsoo is quiet for a while. "I forget things. Just small things, like where I went last weekend or what I had for lunch. But it happens more often than it should."

 

"That must drive you crazy, Mr. Life Planner. I can't remember half of my childhood by now," Kai says. "I don't even remember Sehun's last name." The nosebleed has stopped. He slowly leans up again.

 

"I've been thinking about getting a new car." Kyungsoo says, more of a mindless topic switcher than anything, his hand reaching out to brush the bangs of Kai's hair. Kai is quiet for a long while before suddenly jumping up in his seat.

 

"Hey, get a Ferrari."

 

"What?"

 

"C'mon, you've got the money, right?" Kai is suddenly all bright eyes and excitement. "All that money in your bank account, for what? You could always make more, buy the right lottery ticket, bet on the right horse, something. Go all out. Forget boring little black BMWs, show off your money's worth. Get a Ferrari. Get the 458 Italia. It's stunning. It has a history of road accidents and bursting into flame."

 

"What? You're crazy." He laughs at Kai's childish enthusiasm, ruffling the other's hair.

 

"Kyungsoo, be a little exciting! Get a black one, so shiny we could see the sunset off it, or see ourselves in the reflection when we fuck on top of it. Or maybe a classic red, that's really hot, too. I don't mind fucking on top of a red Ferrari either." Kai grins, unabashed.

 

"You're shameless and crazy," Kyungsoo says, but he's thinking about it. Kai spread out against the shiny red surface of the car, all sweaty dark skin and lithe muscles. Something of his own.

  


-

  
He doesn't see Kyungsoo, normal or otherwise, until a couple of weeks later. He's walking to the bus stop when he sees the Ferrari first, gorgeous little thing with sensuous curves and sweet humming engine. Everyone stares and whispers when it crawls slowly along the sidewalk, a stunning fiery sunset against the monochromatic street, and he stares, too, until he realizes the car is following him, and everyone is staring at him as well. Kai stops short on his tracks when he looks through the half-lowered car window.

 

"Holy shit," he stares in shock when he realizes the driver of the Ferrari is no other than Kyungsoo. "You really did it. You really went and got the fucking 458." He thought he'd probably get a job to crash a Ferrari when the time came, he was only joking when he told Kyungsoo about getting the car that morning, but Kyungsoo really did go out and get one.

 

He slides into the passenger seat to the stares of envy and curiousity from passers-by, and Kyungsoo is grinning widely at him. His hands are stroking over the butter-soft white leather and the flawlessly smooth carbon fiber interior, but his eyes are fixed on Kyungsoo, staring as his heart skips several beats in his chest, because Kyungsoo is wearing a fucking suit. All pressed white shirt and dark cashmere, black tie and silver cufflinks, shiny leather shoes and a slow smirk on his lips. This is the Kyungsoo that belongs to highrise glass towers and flashing coded numbers across computer screens.

 

"I've just got out of work," Kyungsoo tells him, smiling as if he can read all of Kai's thoughts. He tugs at his collar, and Kai bites down on his lip.

 

"So it's just you."

 

"It's just me. I'm not in any loop this time."

 

Well, that isn't quite true, Kai thinks, but he doesn't comment on it. He lets his eyes trail over the shift of Kyungsoo's shoulders underneath the fabric of his expensive suit jacket when he grips the steering wheel of the Ferrari, making a smooth turn over a corner. He's driven so many cars like this, Kai thinks, but this is a whole other world of feelings. This is not the abandoned dream of some bitter old man, soon to be forgotten on the side of the road. This is Kyungsoo's.

 

 

Kyungsoo presses him against the car later, the sunset glowing behind his back as Kyungsoo sucks him off, slow and dirty. His hands twitch and claw against the smooth shiny surface, because it's too fucking hot, Kyungsoo kneeling in front of him in his obscenely expensive suit, the knees of his dress pants dirty on the ground, his full swollen lips wrapped tight around Kai's cock. Kyungsoo makes small gasps in the back of his throat as Kai's hips keep twitching up, eyes wide and pleading, and it's impossible for him not to come into that mouth, tracing come across swollen lips, Kyungsoo's tongue flicking out absently.

 

They kiss later, Kyungsoo still pressed between the car and his body, endless pecks and nibbles of swollen lips and hot tongues. He scratches his teeth lightly against the side of Kyungsoo's jaw line, feeling drunk on sated pleasure and the taste of Kyungsoo's skin. "Maybe Jongin died in that first crash, you know... Maybe I am meant for you." Maybe Jongin ceased to exist, and Kyungsoo brought Kai back into time. It would explain the perfect fit of their bodies pressing flush together.

 

"Jongin..." The name sounds foreign on Kyungsoo's tongue. "Is that your name?"

 

"Not anymore." He sighs against Kyungsoo's lips.

 

 

He makes Kyungsoo make a detour to his apartment, shouting at Kyungsoo to wait for him downstairs as he rushes up and down the stairs in record speed, feeling as if there is a fever running hot and bright under his skin. Kyungsoo is leaning against the car when he returns, and he raises an eyebrow at what Kai is holding in his hands.

 

"Why do you even have a polaroid camera?"

 

"Shut up and smile." He loops his arm around Kyungsoo's neck, smooshing his face against the other man's, still panting slightly against Kyungsoo's cheek. They smile wide for the camera, and Kai reaches out to snap the picture. He waves the little piece of paper in the air, waiting for it to develop. He smiles when it comes out looking exactly like he remembers from the polaroid in the other Kyungsoo's wallet. They look nice together.

 

"Keep this, okay?" He reaches for Kyungsoo's wallet and shoves the polaroid in. "So you can look at it when you miss me."

 

"...Okay." Kyungsoo accepts his wallet back with a bemused look.

 

 

They are driving up the mountain again, just to look at the Seoul night view from above when Kai starts telling Kyungsoo about it. Kyungsoo expectedly glares at him, looking both amused and shocked.

 

"No, what, _no_! I'm not going to crash this brand new car just because you want to do a little experiment, Kai! I bought it, I didn't just pick it up by the side of the road!"

 

"No, c'mon, why not! Us together in the last moments before the crash, you going to the past and me going to the future! You can just come back to the past and convince yourself not to do it later, then crash another car together, so the end result remains the same, we would still travel out of time, and you'd still have the Ferrari! I've thought this out, okay?"

 

"What are you doing?" Kyungsoo shouts as Kai suddenly grabs his hand and pulls a pen out of his pocket.

 

"Writing the date today. So you remember." He turns the palm of Kyungsoo's hand upwards, tracing the pad with Kyungsoo's own black ink fountain pen. "It will be moments for me, but it could be a really long wait for you. What's the date today again?"

 

"November 30th. And I never said I would do it!" Kyungsoo doesn't pull away when he presses the pen down, carefully forming the shapes of numbers even as his fingers don't seem to cooperate. He knows Kyungsoo would do it, because Kyungsoo did it for him the first time around. "Your handwriting is terrible."

 

"So are yours." Kai hums, finishing the last stroke of the 0. He's smiling too widely, his cheeks are starting to hurt. "Hey Kyungsoo, let's do it together, let's go out of control together! Just let go!" 

 

Their fingers are intertwined over the gearbox, their shared warmth heating up the palm of his hand. It has never felt like this before a crash, he thinks, his heartbeat thudding loud in his chest and blood rushing in his ears, making him almost dizzy. Laughter bubbles up from his chest, and he squeezes Kyungsoo's smaller hand in his.

 

"Kyungsoo, just let go!" He laughs, and the car makes an abrupt swerve to the left. He meets Kyungsoo's eyes in the last moment, and they go down.

 

The blinding pain is almost too fast to register.

  


-

  
Call it sentimentality or a sense of foreboding, but Kyungsoo makes his way back to the site of their last crash early that morning. He is standing at the feet of mountain, staring at the crowd surrounding a barrier. There's a large car in the distance, a metal wreck crumpled down the side of the mountain, broken and splayed open like some kind of Frankenstein monster. People are whispering and staring, because what kind of crazy rich asshole would crash a Ferrari? People are talking, because-

 

They found someone in the car, already dead of course - who would survive that kind of crash? But he's in the passenger seat, a curious thing. There's no sign of the driver. Just one body mangled and bleeding all over the passenger seat, over the broken glass and the crushed metal frame. Bones broken. Lungs crushed.

 

He sees them pull out a body on a stretcher, white plastic covering up skin and bones. He sees a hint of dark hair matted with blood.

 

He throws up on the side of the road on the way back to his apartment.

 

 

He calculates the dates in his head, and comes up with-

 

Kai died eight months ago. And it's just happened again.

 

His body flashes hot and cold. His hands are shaking. There's this shivery feeling under his skin he can't claw off.

 

He spends an entire sitting on the ugly couch, just breathing. In. Out. It gets harder trying to breath every time.

 

His thoughts go in circle, too fast to grasp.

 

Was it his presence in this loop that influenced the crash? He remembers Kai trying to convince him to get the Ferrari and then crash it together. At the time he only thought Kai was being his normal crazy self, but the Kai of this loop might have done it because of him, because of that polaroid he'd found in his wallet. Could there have been another Kyungsoo influencing Kai's decision that first time? Or would Kai have suggested the same thing with or without the influence? He doesn't know. His thoughts go in circle. He only knows that now he has to somehow fix this.

 

 

There's suddenly loud knocking on the door of his apartment. No one ever comes visit him here but Kai. Kyungsoo almost trips twice on his way to the door, his legs feeling like jelly.

 

His heart is pounding loudly when he yanks open the door, but it isn't the one he's expecting. It's Jongdae, holding out a key ring in his hand. Kyungsoo takes a step back, taking a deep breath as another wave of despair crashes over him.

 

"What-?"

 

"The key to my car. If you need a ride." Jongdae pushes the key ring into his grasp.

 

Realisation dawns on him. Something he has always known at the back of his head, but only acknowledges now. "You knew. You knew who I was. From that very first time you picked me up by the side of the road."

 

"Not exactly. I just knew what you were. The bleeding, the writing on your palm."

 

"Who are you? Another Crasher?"

 

"I used to be. A backward Traveler, like you."

 

"What happened?"

 

"The same thing that happened to Kai and you. It takes a lot for our bodies to jostle out of the time stream, Kyungsoo. I just stopped in time before it got too late."

 

"Why him? Why him and not me?" This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Kai was supposed to be in the future. Kai was supposed to be in his future. Not broken and dead on the side of a mountain. "Why not both of us?

 

"I don't know. We don't know how these things work, Kyungsoo. Things just happen to us. Accidents, one after another. Maybe you were never meant to crash at the same time. Maybe one path was blocked by the other. Maybe he simply ran out of time." Maybe there's a limit to everything even when you learn to cheat time, Jongdae seems to say.

 

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you stop us?"

 

"I didn't know, Kyungsoo. I can't read the future nor plan the presence anymore. I thought you were sent back in time to fix something. I thought you had a plan. I didn't want to interfere with your timeline." No one wants to rewrite someone else's history. The weight of responsibility, the weight of what-if and could-have-been.

 

It was an unplanned crash. It was Kai who told him, "Let's do this, Kyungsoo. Just _let go_." Then Kai ended up crushed under the metal sheets, and he got thrown back to the beginning of their story. Kyungsoo's grip tightens around the car key. He could have a plan this time. Jongdae is still standing on his doorway, his eyes wide and solemn.

 

"There is no guarantee where the next crash will send you, Kyungsoo. Maybe a few months, maybe a few weeks, maybe even less. You might have to make several jumps backwards, or wait for a really long time. But you have to remember - our bodies are not meant to be jostled out of time continuously like this. The bleeding, the memory loss. We can't even write or draw a straight line anymore. What if you can't change this one accident because it's been set into motion by a chain of previous events? Even when you get back to the very beginning, what if you forget what you're there for? Rewriting a whole life path is not so simple, Kyungsoo."

 

"I have to try." He's good at this - fixing his past, planning his presence, calculating his future. Reshuffling his own timeline. He remembers the heat of Kai's body warm against his back. The weight of his arm. Kai telling him, "We could be outside of time together." Kai kissing him, pressing him against the smooth surface of the Ferrari. Kai whispering into his ears, "maybe Jongin died after that first car crash, maybe I am meant for you."

 

"Good luck," Jongdae tells him as Kyungsoo climbs into the driver's seat of the blue Hyundai, his eyes sad and wistful.

 

"Have you ever tried to change a person's life path?" Kyungsoo asks, turning on the ignition. The car rumbles into life.

 

"I am," Jongdae says, and waves him goodbye. He has always thought Jongdae looks older than he really is.

 

Kyungsoo drives all the way up to the Bukak Mountain Skyway. The winter winds are harsh and biting. The view of Seoul is beautiful from all the way up here. The crash to the ground down below is shorter than he remembers.

  


-

  
Seoul in springtime is all cold drizzling rain and bleak grey clouds. This is the kind of rain that has been going on for days and weeks. Cold, musty, and weary. Spring rain. It hasn't rained like this in Seoul for a long time. Do Kyungsoo wakes up on the side of the road with his face smashed against the asphalt, limbs aching and forearms scraped raw. His face hurts when his skin drags against the asphalt as he twitches and struggles to pull himself away from the ground. The pavement feels wet and cold under his fingertips. Rain drops sprinkle on the back of his head. His cheeks feel raw and tender. His bones ache. When he finally pulls himself up to a sitting position, the ground is mottled with dark spots and smears that don't quite look like rain. They seem to match the long bloody scratches on his hands. Kyungsoo hisses when rain drops hit the scraped open skin.

 

He can still hear the echo of his pounding heart, loud and insistent in the quiet air of the early morning. It's still early morning, he decides, looking at the pale grey colour of the sky. The streets are empty, doused with lingering sleep. It takes a while for his limbs to work again, fingers still curling in the last dredges of adrenaline. He has to take a few deep breaths, trying to decide where he is. The streets look familiar. A few blocks away from the garage. A few blocks away from his apartment. He keeps stumbling on his feet, but the walk doesn't feel all that long. The early joggers and salary workers barely glance at him when they pass by. The drizzling rain isn't enough to soak him through, but the cold dampness sends chills through his body.

 

The windows of the first room from the right on the second floor of his apartment building are open when he gets there. Kyungsoo stands at the feet of the building, looking up, staring at the open windows, feeling slightly bewildered and lost. There's a black Genesis Coupe parked just outside on the street. Some version of him must already be staying in there. Kyungsoo walks over to the car, leaning against it, going over his options. His hand fumbles, taking out the wallet from his back pocket. Cash, cards, the polaroid Kai took of them posing in front of the Ferrari, a stack of receipts. His thumb swipes over the edge of Kai's smile. Kyungsoo peels himself off the car, sparing one last glance at the open windows before turning and walking the other way.

 

He passes by a newspapers stand on his way. He picks up one, glancing over the headlines, and his grip falters when he looks at the top right corner of the paper, just above "Income Tax Rising by 2.4%" and "Mass Car Pile-up In Incheon's North Port". The date on the newspapers reads April 6th 2021, a whole eight months away from his starting point. He blinks - that's the furthest a crash has ever thrown him back in time. Kyungsoo sighs, thinking about the long months ahead, waiting for the Kyungsoo of this time to find his way to the EXO garage, and then meet Kai...

 

Kyungsoo looks down at the palm of his hand. There's a string of numbers in Kai's awkward squiggly handwriting. The date reads _2021.11.30_.

 

His ears are bleeding.

  


\---

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. oops, it's actually time travel au.  
> 2\. for anyone who's confused, here's [a graph](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/aikawafuuko/rantverse.jpg) of how time travel works in the story. pls excuse my horrible drawing skills. probably worse than kyungsoo's.  
> 3\. inspired by the books _Rant_ by Chuck Palahniuk, _Players_ and _Cosmopolis_ by Don DeLillo, and the movie _Primer_ by Shane Carruth.  
> 


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